E145 - PenPals and the lost art of letterwriting
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Beth: [00:00:00] [00:01:00] Well
Hello, my creative friend. Welcome to Create Today! with Beth Buffington
Hello, my friend. I'm Beth Buffington, and welcome to Create Today. Today, I want to start our creative conversation thinking about your mailbox. Yes, your mailbox. Not the one on your phone or on your computer or on your tablet. I'm talking about the real one that's probably made of metal or wood or plastic.
It [00:02:00] might be out by your road or a little slot in your front door, or it's in the lobby of your building, or it's your own little box alongside many, many others inside your nearby post office.so we're going to be talking about where your real mail is delivered and the mail that you hold in your hand, and I'm not talking about the kind that you scroll through.
Nope, I'm talking about the real stuff. So, um, picture you at your mailbox, wherever it might be, your real mailbox, and inside you pull out the usual stuff that you find every day, right? A bill, a coupon for something you'll m- maybe never buy, a postcard for a politician, a catalog from a store you don't remember visiting.
But imagine, imagine that tucked somewhere in between the flyers and the junky postcards you see an envelope with your [00:03:00] name handwritten on it. Yep, a handwritten envelope, maybe a pretty colored envelope that's yellow or blue or purple, and there's a really cool stamp on it, maybe of flowers or Snoopy or a birthday cake.
And that, that stamp, maybe it's a little crooked or even upside down because it was applied by hand. So think for a moment. How do you feel when you find a hand-addressed envelope in your mail? Yeah. Yeah. It feels pretty nice. It feels good. Now, a text from your phone, well, that takes two seconds to send and two seconds to read, and let's be real, maybe about two seconds to forget, right?
But a letter pulled out of your mailbox, well, a letter, that takes a pen and some composing time to share the updates on love or experiences or a friendship [00:04:00] or whatever, and then that person has to send it off into the mail. And handwriting like this, well, it takes time to write and it takes time to read.
And the emotions gathered, if you're a sender or if you're the receiver, are good for you in heart, mind, body, and soul. Now, I want you to search back in your memories to someone you might have written to back and forth and back and forth. You know? Someone that you've exchanged letters with.
It could be a grandparent, a cousin that you didn't get to see very often, a friend who moved away, someone you were or are dating that isn't close by right now. Think about how it felt or feels to get a letter from them, and how it felt [00:05:00] or feels to share your life back to them through a letter that you have mailed back and forth.
And then I want you to multiply this reciprocal feeling that you share in the care that's happening from snail mail correspondence. That is some real goodness, my friend. And that also is creativity, and that is why we are talking about it today.
Now, in my life, some of my sweetest memories are birthday cards from my grandmother who lived two states away from me, and they were also letters that I wrote and received from my favorite cousins who I only got to see and play with a few times a year.
And they were letters and cards that I sent home to my parents while I was away at college. And some of my most anticipated letters I got from my boyfriend, who became my husband, when we were [00:06:00] dating over the miles one summer. These cards and these letters, th- they brought me joy whenever they arrived in the mail.
They were letters that I read and reread and saved, and some of them I still have today. And they were all the people who I had fun writing back to too. I would, I would tuck in photos and drawings and pressed flowers to share a little bit more about what I was doing in my world. But you know what? Many of us stopped writing to each other when emails showed up on the scene, and it especially hit a skidding halt when texting became so easy to send.
So this is why today I want to talk about something old that is getting a fresh look. We're going to take a look at why you might want to get yourself a pen [00:07:00] pal.
Pen pals are bringing back the lost art of letter writing. And today we're going to explore what it does for your brain and your body and your heart. And we're gonna share some research about the benefits having a pen pal and the art of letter writing can bring to your life Now please know that I'm not advocating for abolishing texts and emails.
These forms of communication are deeply embedded in our world today, and I use them every single day, and I can't imagine not having them anymore. but I am encouraging you to consider the art, the creativity that you'll discover in letter-writing, or you'll rediscover in letter-writing.
And you'll see that there is a boost of creativity that happens, and all kinds of good-for-you brain stuff [00:08:00] that comes from having a pen pal who you chat with purely through the old school channel that has been given the name snail mail. Yeah. So that's what we're going to explore today. So let's take a look at the word pen pal itself.
Merriam-Webster defines a pen pal as a friend made and kept through correspondence And the key words there, I think, are made and kept. Not a follower, not a contact, a friend that you keep. And this word pen pal has been around since at least 1925. That's when it's, like, started to be recorded and, and looked at as an actual thing that was organized.
In 1925, that's been over 100 years ago, my friend. Woo. [00:09:00] So this is not a fly-by-night trend that somebody cooked up for an Instagram or TikTok hype, right? But what is happening with this old school tradition of pen pals is that having a pen pal and the art of letter-writing, it is becoming a trend.
Pinterest has predicted a letter-writing renaissance for 2026, and reports show that searches for snail mail gifts are up 110%, and handwritten letters popping into the mail up 45%. Can we all say wow? I mean, wow, right? So why the renaissance? Now, it's my opinion, take it for what it's worth. It's my opinion that our world is weary for some simple things.
Simple things like [00:10:00] just pretty stationary and a funny card, and sending that off to someone that we care for. We spend so much time lost on our screens and our tablets and our computers and our phones, and sending text messages to people. And how many times have you read a text message and read it wrong in the emotion that was trying to be implied?
And you read it wrong because it was so darn short, and punctuation really wasn't there, and you weren't able to add any real description, and so it's misleading, and it doesn't really show what's in our heart. I think that we are craving and we are hungry for leisurely pastimes where we can focus on what we're trying to say to someone else and then back away from, um, that digital [00:11:00] stuff.
Do some digital detoxing to our screen-filled lives. And in a 2021 survey from the Survey Center on American Life, 12% of Americans said they have no close friends at all. Not a few close friends. They had no close friends. None. And let's compare that number, 12% in 2021, to, 1990 when that number of people who thought they had no close friends was 3%.
A lot of us are craving something slower and more real than a notification or a well-placed emoji. So letters, an easy way to ease ourself into social communication without feeling super awkward, right? So let's explore how writing a letter [00:12:00] by hand affects us in heart, mind, and body. So we're gonna start with the body because writing a letter is not just a thinking job, it's a physical body function.
You are literally picking up a pen to paper, and your arm and your wrist and your hand and your fingers are all working together to convey a thought that's coming from your mind. Very physical, right? So I went searching for research about what we care about, like does the actual handwriting of letters help people feel calmer or happier or more connected?
And let me tell you what I found. First, let's look at a study completed about having a real pen pal, and this study was called Please, Mr. Postman. it was a small study, uh, and, people from a local anti-poverty agency and social work students traded one letter each [00:13:00] month for a year. So that's a good long study, um, a consistent study where you can really track some data, right?
And here's what they discovered. As the study continued through the year, loneliness scores dropped. Loneliness scores dropped as the project continued through the year. Participants said writing gave them time to think more deeply and also gave them something to anticipate and look forward to, and that something was just simply finding an envelope addressed to them in the mail, and that deeper thinking was them responding to their pen pal, thinking about what they could share and how they were going to say it.
and those pen pals who shared letters for an entire year, they felt better and less lonely because of this simple experience of writing a [00:14:00] letter and mailing it, and getting a letter in the mail and reading it, and then recycling those actions over and over for a whole year.
And researchers have found that writing about things that matter to you is beneficial to your basic outlook on life, and that is what you do when you send a letter to a pen pal. you're sharing about things that matter to you. In one study, 219 people wrote three gratitude letters over three weeks Compared to the people who didn't write a letter, the people who wrote the gratitude letters reported more happiness, more life satisfaction, and fewer symptoms of depression.
That's really neat. That is really cool, and that all happened because they wrote a letter. Let that sink in. The act of writing letters provides goodness to the writer. [00:15:00] So now let's take a peek at the part where creativity thrives, and I'm talking about the artsy supplies that are so enticing, right? The pretty paper.
Oof. The pens. I love good pens. The pretty envelopes. Oh, there's so many pretty envelopes out there in the world. And the finding of these perfect supplies, you know? a little bit of a shopping trip, right? So you go out, and you're always sourcing then for a card that has a clever sentiment on it.
Ooh, that sounds just like my pen pal. I need that. Or beautiful stationery or stamps and stickers, or maybe it's while you're preparing your letter and you are doodling in the margins or on the envelope just to make things a little bit cooler, right? You're illustrating an eloquent point that you need to share.
And I'm, I'm talking here about all those little extras that you add to your letter to make it unique, to make it [00:16:00] purely you. These details create a beautiful and memorable message that you're excited to send to your pen pal. So let's think about the importance of creating beauty from both sides. The person who is creating and sending the card or letter, and then the person who is receiving the card, observing the beauty, the creativity.
Well, that is important for both people, the sender and the receiver. And here's an example about why beauty matters to us humans so much. At University College London, 21 volunteers rated the beauty that they observed in paintings and pieces of music while their brains were being scanned. Now, their brains' reward systems lit up as they admired the beauty
Whether it was by seeing beauty or listening to [00:17:00] beautiful music, their brains lit up when they sensed beauty.
And the more beauty the people found in what they were viewing or listening to, the more active and lit up their brains became. these results suggest that your brain files beauty under reward. And there isn't a person on this planet that doesn't love a sweet reward.
And then let's talk about the benefits that you'll find in making beautiful things that are part of your letter. At Drexel University, researchers measured cortisol, that's your body's main stress hormone, and they, they researched adults before and after 45 minutes of making art. They were given markers and clay.
They were told to collage. You know, just have some fun. And after their creative time, three-quarters of these people had [00:18:00] lower cortisol levels. Wow. And it didn't matter whether these people were experienced artists or complete beginners who were just having fun playing with art supplies. The results were the same.
three-quarters of the people found lowered cortisol levels from the creative session they enjoyed. So you know in my world, decorating an envelope is making art. Um, and that's just adding stickers or doodles or glitter. All of that, it's art. All of that is creativity.
it makes something even more beautiful, and that, as we've discovered, is a lovely way to lower your cortisol. So my friend, doodle an extra note on the flap of the envelope or add a few fun stickers, and choose a pretty stamp that's meaningful to you.You could also add some extra fun to your letter, like a pressed flower, or a hand-drawn bookmark, or a favorite quote, or a [00:19:00] photo your pen pal would love to have.
And just slide those into your card or your letter inside the envelope, and that will also add to the creative beauty that you are providing to your pen pal. But one postal note so your masterpiece arrives safely, when you include fun things to your letter, that could add a little extra weight to your envelope, and it could require extra postage.
So when in doubt, have your post office weigh the envelope. Or if you're at home and you're not near the post office, just throw on an extra stamp just to be safe. But I encourage you to open up those creative gates and have some fun making your letter really a portrait of you by adding just a few extra touches.
Now, let's take a quick break to hear a word about how you can create today together with [00:20:00] me. I want to tell you about a place where this whole letter-loving spirit lives and can thrive. It's my Going Forwards clubhouse, and right now, there's a brand-new section that is just Find a Pen Pal experience.
Members can be matched with a letter-loving pen pal to trade quirky cards and beautiful stationery with. Imagine sharing your creativity through snail mail with someone who gets excited about a colorful envelope as you do.
But the Pen Pal Corner inside the clubhouse, it's just one of many rooms. This clubhouse is a space for creative fun. It has no deadlines, nothing heavy to learn. It's just a place to come and have a good time.
Let me give you a lightning-fast tour of the Going Forwards clubhouse. You can enjoy the Beth's best book club. It's [00:21:00] built around my love of what I should read next or what I've just read, and I would love for you to share what you're reading.
and there's a recipe exchange where anything creative involving food counts. This is a place to just play with your food. So we're talking Tuesday night takeout that you arrange on your best china. Snap a picture of it and show us what you've eaten and how beautifully creative you made it.
And you're gonna love the creative challenges that are quarterly, and you can chase these challenges to get actual prizes or just enjoy for the inspiration of having something creative to munch on.
There's no pressure either way. It's just there for you to have some fun. And the easiest part is you can try out the Going Forwards clubhouse for just $1, and then after that, it's just $9 a month, and you'll find the fun at [00:22:00] bdi-create.today/goingforwards-membership.
And don't worry if those, URLs came by pretty fast. Just go to the show notes. There's a live link to get you where you need to go.
Okay, let's get back to our mailbox. Let's explore the receiving end of letter writing, because this is where the emotions get interesting. Psychologists Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley had people write gratitude letters, and then asked them to predict how will the recipients feel when they get your letter?
And researchers found that the writers of the letters underestimated all the time how surprised the recipients would be.
So we worry too much is basically what they found, that people love to get mail, and they love to hear anything from you. They're not looking at your handwriting.
They're not looking at your [00:23:00] grammar. They're not looking at your spelling. They're not looking to see how smudgy your ink got. They're just excited that you sent them something. So the letter you're nervous to send, just send it, my friend. Just send it, because the person receiving your letter is probably going to love it more than you think.
And a UK research firm called MindLab ran a study fitting a group of volunteers with EEG caps, and they found that handwritten cards produced a stronger positive emotional response than an e-card
You know those digital notes that we get on our screens. And in a word association test, letters and cards earned twice the happiness of a social media message and three times that of email. Hmm. and then there's the waiting. You know, that anticipation of receiving [00:24:00] something in the mail.
You know something's coming, but you don't know when. So each time you go out to the mailbox, you think, "Huh, is today the day?" Psychologist Amit Kumar, Matthew Killingsworth, and Thomas Gilovich found that people get real happiness from anticipation itself, especially when they're waiting for an experience rather than a thing.
So that experience, that checking the mailbox, you don't know if it's today or not, and that little flutter of what if is adding a bit of excitement to your day So pen pal anticipation can ricochet back and forth for decades on decades. Here's an example. In 1982, two 12-year-olds, Michelle in Singapore and Sonia in Newfoundland, Canada, started writing after discovering each other through an international pen pal listing in a magazine.
And [00:25:00] they sent letters back and forth and back and forth to each other for 43 years. And in October of 2025, just about a year ago, they finally met in person. And Sonia said they just gave each other the biggest hug and said, "I can't believe it." 43 years of letters, and it took one big hug to confirm what the paper already knew, that they were great friends who valued their relationship.
And this all happened through snail mail, through having a pen pal. That's pretty cool. So pen pals. What kind of people might especially love having and benefit from having a pen pal? I've got seven suggestions, 'cause you know I love a good list. Number one, a 2023 review of 17 studies on letter and email writing between [00:26:00] generations found some good things.
They found that when people wrote letters to each other,Like warmer feelings toward the other generation, it created new bonds that probably would have never happened. So be aware that your pen pal doesn't have to be a match to your generation. Boomers, meet Gen X. Millennials, meet Gen Z.
Mix it up, my people, and get to know someone that isn't a carbon copy of who you are today. You're going to learn so much about people that you don't think you understand or would want to get to know. And here's why this is so important.
The surgeon general has linked poor social connection to a 50% higher risk of dementia in older adults. So if you know an older adult, they probably could benefit from having a pen pal. And intergenerational studies found that writing [00:27:00] increased understanding across the generations. So there's something about writing and reading that helped people understand each other better.
So that looks like a win-win, right? We could all use a little bit more understanding, I think.
Number two, anyone feeling lonely or a little untethered. And at the time of this recording, there's a lot of lonely and untethered people in our world.
So don't feel alone if this is you. The Surgeon General's 2023 advisory reported that about half of American adults experienced measurable loneliness even before the pandemic. So getting a pen pal to make friends with you will help take a chink out of the wall that is keeping so many of us, feeling lonely and disconnected from one another.
And number [00:28:00] three, anyone who's moved or whose family and relatives live far away. A letter, my friend, shrinks the miles across the map. It is such a wonderful way to keep in touch and keep those bonds strong. Number four, the screen weary need pen pals. Again, I think a lot of us fit into this category.
Pinterest trends show that Gen Z and millennials are reaching for snail mail as a digital detox, and that is awesome. That is healthy. Keep up this letter-loving trend. It will do so many good things for our world. And number five, the quiet ones. If big talk drains you, if, if you prefer a book to going to a buffet, socializing through a letter with a pen pal, well, that helps [00:29:00] you think before you speak without having to speak in public,
By finding a friend who lives somewhere else and discovering that you are actually funnier and more clever than you've given yourself credit for. So having a pen pal may give you the confidence to actually leave your lair.
Does that make sense? And number six, and this is an important one,
caregivers. Caregivers could really benefit from a pen pal. You know, these are those special folks who give and give and give as they take care of small children or sick family or elderly parents. These are people who often want to leave the house. They would love to get away for a social event, even for just a quick coffee with a friend, but they can't.
So having a pen pal would be a way for them to reach out to the outside world and have a discussion with someone [00:30:00] that they don't see every day.
And if this is you, consider finding that snail mail buddy really soon. And number seven, these are people who really need pen pals, and that is creatives and people who love stationery.
Because if you've been saving your pretty paper for something special, or if you love buying clever cards and you just don't know who to send them to, and even if you've never called yourself creative but you fit into this category of loving cards and stationery, everyone you know, I say, is creative.
And matching yourself to a pen pal who has similar creative passions is going to be an amazing thing to add to your life. So how do you do this pen pal thing? You start with one person. Think about, um, a friend that you miss, a relative who would love some real mail [00:31:00] that you don't get to see often.
Or you can get yourself matched to a brand-new pen pal that you've never met. and if you're feeling overwhelmed by writing a whole letter, remember this doesn't have to be a novel that needs to be scripted with beautiful penmanship. Start small.
And let me tell you what I mean by this. Find a fun card, and then just write a quick note, something you noticed this week, or something you're curious about, or a recipe you just tried. Something small that says, "This is me." And then make their reply back to you easy by asking a simple question.
and then sign it, address it, stamp it, and you're done. And enjoy your walk to the mailbox. Then for future cards and letters, you can make writing a ritual that doesn't have to be a chore. So figure out when are you not hurried. That's gonna be your time to compose your letter. It could be a Sunday [00:32:00] morning when you're just having coffee.
It could be a time to write a quick note before you go to bed. And you don't have to write your letter in one sitting. You could write a little bit every night for a few days. And make it really enticing. So get yourself a pen that you love to write with. And then see what feels good for a cadence for letter-writing.
One a week. If that feels like a lot, once a month. Figure out what works for you. But the goal isn't volume. It's the habit of reaching out, the habit of connecting and getting to know the person that you are writing to. And I'll say this again, your handwriting doesn't have to be gorgeous calligraphy.
remember, research shows that we worry about what others might find awkward way more than we should. The people who will get your letter aren't grading your penmanship. They're actually pretty [00:33:00] excited that they're just getting some fun mail from you.
Now many of you know about my creative framework, Going Forwards. It's a four-step creative practice that helps you get through life more rested, more appreciative of your world, more productive with what you're doing and the work you're doing, and more confident to let go of those things you're holding onto, and get your work out into the world to do the good it was designed to do.
Inside the Going Forwards framework, writing letters with a pen pal fits into the revive stage. This is a small thing that is slow and repetitive and can help you refuel lost energy. It also slides into the realize stage in that it helps you understand more about the goodness in our world by creatively communicating and seeing beauty through friends that you know and have gotten to know [00:34:00] strictly through snail mail.
It's a great way to see other perspectives in our world and understand other people that aren't exactly like us. And here's one small thing to challenge yourself with this week. I want you to pick one person, one piece of paper you love, and write one page. Put it in the mail, and enjoy the excitement that you've created by starting a snail mail conversation.
And if you want to know more about how to keep your creative energy flowing, I want you to grab my Going Forwards guide.
This guide is free at www.bdi-create.today. Now, remember, in my world everyone is creative, and a handwritten letter is real proof that a happier world can and will happen if [00:35:00] you stay creative, my friend.
