#136 - Ezra Vancil
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Beth: [00:00:00] All right
Hello, my creative friend. Welcome back to another episode of Create Today with Beth Buffington. You know I love to bring guests onto the podcast Today, I am delighted to introduce you to someone that I think you're going to really enjoy.
His name is Ezra Vancil, and he is a Texas-based singer, songwriter, poet, and author, whose career spans more than three decades. He's an international songwriting competition finalist. He's been a Kerrville New Folk finalist, a New Song Competition winner, and a South by Southwest showcased artist.
His music has been featured on VH1, the BBC, and other television productions. he performs as a solo artist alongside his daughter Cozy, creating [00:01:00] music centered on redemption, resilience, faith, and the pursuit of wholeness over fame.
Ezra, I am so delighted to have you join us today on Create Today Pleaseintroduce yourself to the audience and let them know a little bit about who you are and where you are and how you got started.
Ezra Vancil: Yes, Beth, thank you so much for having me. I really am honored to be on this podcast.
I think it's a treasure for creatives like me, and I'm just excited to talk with you today. where I am right now is I'm a, a business owner, I am a, a musician and a songwriter, and I travel with my daughter and we play music.
And I live in a forest out in East Texas and I spend a lot of time in nature and writing poetry out there on a campfire. And I've had a life of music. I actually come from musical roots. Both my parents are songwriters and [00:02:00] musicians. And who I am right now is somebody that's just really embraced this, this gift of just looking at this world through creative eyes. I see creativity as just a it's, in its essence, it's problem-solving, and there's so many problems that we all face in life.
And so that's where I am right now, is just an artist that is looking for a way forward each day to stay in this path of creativity.
Beth: Oh, there's so much we're gonna talk about today And the fact that you are living- in a forest oh my gosh. Tell me, just a little bit more about that,
Yeah. Tell me about your cabin.
Ezra Vancil: I'm a city boy. I was living next to downtown Dallas most of my life, and my wife just got this funny idea that she wanted some land someday, and so we eventually found some in East Texas, and it just turns out that it [00:03:00] is a few cabins in a forest, and I mean, it is a forest.
There, the pines are so tall you hurt your neck looking at the top of them, with critters and deer and animals, and I never thought I would be in such a beautiful place. Uh, it turns out, it turns out to be a lot of work to live in nature, 'cause it's constantly trying to eat our house.
But I have found so much of my creativity in the silence that I found out here.
And now, I will say, I do spend a lot of time in Dallas, too, but I just found that I needed quiet,
Cell phones don't work out here, so I spend a lot of time with my own s- mind and my own thoughts, and it's just a beautiful place.
Beth: that's amazing. I live just outside of Chicago, but I grew up on the western side of Illinois.
my mom and dad, they had been farmers all their lives, really craved land, so they bought about 30 acres of forest- and eventually built a house out there. And [00:04:00] I drive out th- and see them all the time. I was just out there on Monday, and when I visit, it always involves a walk through their f- their forest
And there is something magical about just getting away from your phone and listening to the sounds of nature It makes a difference in your head, don't you think?
Ezra Vancil: oh, absolutely. I didn't know how much we need this. We need this time to see that the world is alive, that it's going on. It's got its own mission. And that I'm just a small part of this, and that's what I feel here, is that, there's this beauty and striving going on in all of life, and I get to see that when I take walks, That's really what I like to look at, isget out of all of my thoughts and look at this world And it does fuel in me creativity.
when I come back, I'm inspired and I, the quiet gives me rest in my soul.
Beth: When you have that kind of rest, I know that it does [00:05:00] generate energy that you need in order to be at peak performance for your creativity. And so with that in mind, can you share with everyone justhow creativity has played a role in the success that you have had in your career
how has creativity been a, a companion for you
Ezra Vancil: Well, it, it came to me very young, and I think it was kind of a given because we traveled constantly playing music. some of my fondest memories are hearing them write songs in the very thin wall next to my bedroom with my mom's piano.
And it wasn't easy. I would hear them kinda tussling with something and maybe even arguing about a lyric. They would write songs together. And I just kinda had this realization of what creativity is, it's not It's not always just enjoyment.
I love the word tussle.Yeah. It's a little bit of a, a wrestling match to look for things [00:06:00] inside of us and bring them out into the world. And so I, I started at a very young age, and, um, I was signed to a deal in my, my late teens, I think I was 19 years old, and went on to LA, and I thought I was going big time.
And then I was dropped at 21 going on 22 years old with no plan B.
But this music life had kind of birthed in me the love of the creative. And so what I did is I pivoted over to graphic design. And in, it's in the same way, and I didn't have experience. I didn't go to school for this.
I just got interested in creating in that way. And I found that through, my life, I've just fallen on other creative things because I like this side of me that, that faces a blank page. I just, there's something about it.
Beth:
Ezra Vancil: And works for solutions. And so I would say that everything has somehow contributed to my [00:07:00] success in life, even though at the time a lot of things felt like wild goose chases, loose ends that would never get finished.
Through life, they kind of weave together and have created a career for me in, in marketing. I've had a career in graphic design. I've had a career in, in videography and production. And of course, I've kept music going all these years, and now I'm a business owner and I run the marketing team. And so all of the, the knowledge that I needed just came together at the right times and seeing that, oh, that wasn't a, a wild goose chase.
That was the beginnings of something in my future. And it allows me today then when something feels like a loose end or the outcome is not turning out, I can go that's probably gonna tie together with something in the future. I'm just gonna- Yeah ... I'm gonna go with where my passion and my heart leads me in this," and then let it go.
And then and just expect that things kind of come together, And [00:08:00] as I go forward and I, I face that, I find that the meaning is there.it comes together
and so I would just say almost everything that I've attempted in my life has at some point come together as income in my life, which is a strange thought, but it's, it's just the truth of my life.
Beth: when you think about it, 30 years of creativity, and some of the things you started, y- you, found reason to use many years later down the road.
I think a lot of creatives get started on something, they can't find a solution right away. Frustration sets in and crumple the paper, toss it in the waste can. It is important to hang onto those ideas because down the road you might find where that becomes the solution for something else that you're working on.
Ezra Vancil: Oh, absolutely. when I was a teenager, I hung around a published [00:09:00] poet, and he was just a guy that was from our neighborhood, and I would play music behind him, and he would perform.
And I wanted to do what he did. And so I started to try to learn poetry, and my poetry was pretty horrible. People think that it's the same as songwriting, but it's very different- Yeah
to just have words have that power to them. And so several times through my life, decades apart, I would go, "You know, I wanna write poetry." And I would sit down and try, and it just was not good. And over decades,
I started going, "You know, I want to learn poetry, but I think I'm ready to go down to actually learning the skills." I never thought to go learn the forms of poetry.
Beth: Ah.
Ezra Vancil: But now I found that interest of actually understanding and reading and, and loving poetry in this quiet era was leading me to what I needed to start truly writing poetry that is meaningful and powerful.
And [00:10:00] so over decades, I was doing the little seeds of things, and what I learned in those early days is what didn't work. And so that I could know when it was time, when that, it reoccurred, that desire, that, "Okay, I'm gonna do this, but I can't do it the same way that I did the last two times- Yeah ... and gave up.
I need to look for what was missing in those times, and what was actually missing was an understanding of the forms of poetry. Just starting with the foundations of what is a poem, you know?
Beth: Yes. So being a lifelong learner,you have to remember at every age, sometimes you need to go in and learn the fundamentals.
Mm-hmm. I think, you wrote somewhere in your questionnaire you said, "Learn the rules and then throw them out." mm-hmm. it helped your poetry when you learned more about what made a good poem.
Is that right?
Ezra Vancil: Yes. Yes, and I, I say that because- in music I see people [00:11:00] being trapped in the rules so much so that they can't let that, that childlike creative out That might actually capture, and usually does capture, some inspiration that is deeply embedded inside of us.
Beth: Yeah,
Ezra Vancil: but if you don't have the foundation to lay that, that inspiration on top you're gonna be constantly frustrated. And poetry was like that. once I learned the forms, I understood they're there for a reason. They're there for you to begin and if you do it enough, you can actually just forget those rules all together. And you'll see this in great songwriters and poets, that they will play with the rules. They will go outside of the rules, and if you know the rules, you know, wow, they just- Oh
disregarded the- Yeah ... entire rules, but it's so cool because it shows that they know them, and I'm stepping outside and I'm gonna do something directly from my heart here.
Beth: Yeah. Yeah. the great musicians take those fundamentals and they make them so innate that they're [00:12:00] not even thinking about the language of music anymore.
right? So it's, it is that balance of l- taking learning and making it so innate that it is no longer something you have to think about.
Ezra Vancil: while you were saying that, I was thinking, what if we were sitting here thinking of the, the rules of grammar as we talked?
Beth: I know, right?
Ezra Vancil: We could not... We couldn't have a conversation.
Yes ... yeah. It's the same way. We need to learn to just communicate. We learn those rules at some point, but we have to let them go because the creative mind, I, I, I think it longs for a freedom.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: It wants that structure so that it can be free that you can have this structure that holds it and then go let it loose,
Beth: Yeah, yeah.
Ezra Vancil: Do your thing.
Beth: Gotta be a little bit of friction there, so that's where those rules come in, but then being able to take those rules and then create beyond the rules that's where real success is found.
Ezra Vancil: I, yeah, I think back to my early days in, [00:13:00] in graphic design, the worst thing a client could tell me was, "Do whatever you want."
Beth: Ah. Ooh,
Ezra Vancil: yeah. It was, that was a horrifying thing. But if they said, you know, "I need these colors, and I'm trying to create for this audience-" Yeah ... and these are the restrictions, the size," suddenly within those boundaries, I could be creative beyond their boundaries using their boundaries. Where with the, the whole do whatever you want, would just send me into that's the whole universe.
Like, where do I even start?
Beth: if you're just given that free range, yeah, you, you tend to go in the wrong direction.
Ezra Vancil: Absolutely.
Beth: Yes. So l- let's take a look at your mornings, 'cause I have a feeling like during your day when you're actually working, that is where you have those, those guidelines.
Tell us a little bit more about how you walk yourself through those mornings and what it's doing for you as far as, [00:14:00] uh, an artist.
Ezra Vancil: The biggest kind of takeaway I want from morning is, for me to remember who I am and what I'm doing here.
Because there's just so much noise in this world, that I need a, a moment in my days to go, what's important in my life?" a lot of times it's just me writing things and seeing through what I write what is important to me, and remembering that before I go off into this, this world that's so loud that I can't even hear myself.
So, for me,it is a lockdown in my day where no matter what happens after that, this will be a time of, unstructuredness. I, I don't have any rules of how I do this, that I, I revisit myself. You know, I I, touch on the spiritual to remember there's a much bigger story going on that I'm a part of
Beth: if you're a creative who doesn't have those unstructured moments where you're really just concentrating on your inner [00:15:00] artist, and your, looking at Instagram and comparing yourself against other artists, you'll find yourself spending time wishing you looked like, drew like, sounded like someone else, and you lose yourself.
So if you can have those times where you are away from anything that you're plugged into, away from criticisms and judgment, and you can allow yourself to explore that inner artist without your inner critic being super loud, I think that is where authenticity has a moment to find out just who are you.
how do you keep your inner critic from taking over on those quiet mornings? Do you know... Does, that make sense?
Ezra Vancil: Yeah, absolutely. I, uh... First of all, I think the inner critic loves Instagram.
Beth: Oh,
Ezra Vancil: yeah. Like it's just... It is like, "Oh, yeah, they're getting out the Instagram."
Beth: Let's go. [00:16:00]
Ezra Vancil: Because that is, that's the very beginning of that, is I, have an, I'm a part of community and the world and everything, but I have an individual life, and in my art and in my creativity, even in my business, what I want to bring is not what so-and-so did, what, not what Bob or Sheila did. I want to bring myself to this life.
And it's not aseasy as just saying I want that. There has to be an exercise of actually knowing who I am. the biggest thing for me is just starting with the spiritual aspect And what that is for me is really an acceptance of what my life is right now on this day.
And when I do that, it kinda frees me. Like, I don't have to fix everything or finish everything. It's okay. I, I've given myself this time just to explore who I am, and I find that it, it renews me constantly. I'm always finding something in these times, whether it's through journaling or, or inspiration reading, [00:17:00] poetry, that I am, triggering the right questions in my life.
Not necessarily the answers, but the questions that are inside of me going what am I to do with this? What am I to do with my life? What am I to do with my art?" That's the questions I wanna walk into my day with. And the answers, you know, we get 'em sometimes and we don't, but as long as I'm, I've got the questions, I know I'm heading in that right direction.
Beth: Yes. I think when you're allowing yourself to spend time to think just on your own creativity- it allows you to understand how you can think about what you're thinking about. Yeah. most successful creatives are interpreting what they see and how they feel about it and what they think about it, and that is what they reflect out as far as their creative voice, their creative message.
Ezra Vancil: And it is your voice and your message that [00:18:00] other people need to hear, and I truly believe that all creatives are put onto this world to share the goodness that they have to share, and that is what makes our world a better place. Yes. There's this, saying that hit me so deeply about what the artist is doing, and I think I, don't know if I'll be able to attribute it to the right author, I think it was James Hollis that said this. But it is like the birds that have to digest the food to feed to their siblings.
And now he was talking about something else, but I took that as the artist.
Because I, I believe the same thing is that my primary job as an artist is to take what life gives me and interpret it, and I desire for it to be beautiful and good- Mm
for this earth, yeah. And so I have to digest it. Yeah. And that's what happens in these mornings too, is digesting this world so that I can interpret it and look at it through a new prism [00:19:00] in a creative moment.
Beth: So that whole idea, the reason the birds eat the food, digest it slightly, and then give it back is they're making it easier to handle, right?
The world is so difficult, and what people need are, others who can make understanding what you might be going through a little bit easier, because I've been there, and I've learned some things, and I'm gonna share it with you now so that whatever road you're on, hopefully it will be a little bit easier for you.
Ezra Vancil: Mm. Yes. Yes, it's like a, a distillation.
me and my wife actually just, put on an old album from the '70s, and we just went, "Oh, my gosh." it spoke to us because it's our story.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: this song has distilled the many complicated aspects of our story into its true heart, into something that I can take and go, "That's me.
I can't say it, but this [00:20:00] song can say it for me."
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: so many love songs are just about infatuation.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: But I wanna write songs through my life. I wanna write my songs as a 40-year-old and a 50-year-old and a 60-year-old about love, and what is love now.
And I am giving these experiences so that I can give them back to people who need them. And I s- I only say that not in a, a prideful way, but because I know that I need that. There's times in my life where a song or a poem or a book will touch me so deeply 'cause I feel understood just by that work of art.
Beth: Yes. Being understood that is so key. When you have lost a relationship that's important to you, how many of us have had that happen to us?
Mm-hmm. And we just wanna be in a dark place and listen to our music because it's speaks to us. and we all feel like we know that musician because they knew [00:21:00] us at a time when we were so vulnerable. Mm. Or music that helps you celebrate. we all have that music that when it plays, you are taken back to a decade where you were either really happy, or you were falling in love,
You are suddenly in the car in a, at a campground, you're at a museum, wherever you were where that song first touched you, and i- it, it never goes away, right?
Ezra Vancil: So powerful. It's a fri- it's a friend for life.
Beth: For life.
Ezra Vancil: It's like-
Beth: Yeah ...
Ezra Vancil: the most powerful, and it's not just music, it's, it's, I have art pieces in my house that have touched me like that.
Mm.
Beth: Yes.
Ezra Vancil: That they and, the reason we have art is because we can't, with just our dry words and language, there's things we cannot say.
Beth: Yes.
Ezra Vancil: and artists, you know, the great pieces of art, they touch on something universal or, you know, or even specific. Sometimes a piece of art is just [00:22:00] specific to my story.
And they are my friends through life. I carry them with me. You know, I've got my playlist, but I've got my albums and my books, and they're my friends. Yeah. And if I ever go through that again, I, I pull out those songs again, or if I'm thinking about it, and visit my, my friends that understand you know, that have been there.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: It's a beautiful thing.
Beth: And so as, as a creative follow where that universe is pulling you because someone needs what you're doing
Ezra Vancil: Beth, yeah, I have to tell a story here 'cause I have a- Yes ... a piece of art in my life that is so special to me, and it ties into what we're talking about, loose ends. So after I got dropped from the label, I eventually ended up working at a college as a painter, and not a creative painter.
I painted walls white.
the college had a gallery, and they would have new artists there. And one time, I was walking through this gallery, and I just saw this collage, and I nearly [00:23:00] started crying right there with my paint bucket 'cause it moved me so deeply. And I went up and read it, and the name of the piece was If I Could Keep You Like A Pressed Flower.
And again, I didn't know why it moved me so deeply. Later, I realized we had a neighbor who had just passed away that we had, me and my wife had nursed her in her last days, and what I could feel is this, this feeling of mortality. I was very young. I was in my 20s. Mm. And, and just, you know how we get these feelings, and we lose somebody.
And so I wanted to buy this piece, but I didn't have enough money, and then I came back. I even talked to my family into loaning me some money to buy it, and then I went, and it was gone. And, and I, I couldn't find the artist. And so years later, I told my wife about this when we were about to get married about this piece of art, and I had written a song.
You could look it up. It's called Error of Days. The lyric in it is, "If I could keep you like a pressed flower." And I told her why I wrote this song and the piece of art, so my wife, behind my back, found out who the artist was and contacted him [00:24:00] to buy it, and he said, "I'm sorry.
I already sold it." And so a decade later, I went through a, some years of, real bad substance abuse at this time, but I came back to myself and, got sober and recovered. And I decided to write a blog about this this piece of art 'cause I had a picture of it now and just what it meant to me, and I put out the song again, Error of Days.
And the, the artist saw the blog.
Beth: Oh.
Ezra Vancil: And he showed up to my next show with the piece of art.
Beth: Oh, my gosh.
Ezra Vancil: And presented it to me on stage, and what he had done is take his entire catalog to the person who had bought it and said, "Pick anything you want, but I need that piece back." And he got it back, and he presented it to me that night, and he became a friend that I needed, another creative friend that I needed while I was getting sober.
What was he thinking when he made that? I don't know, but it touched something so deep in me that it's, it's been three decades of my life. [00:25:00] And I have it sitting there on my mantle right now.
Beth: That is an amazing story so many years in the making, if you were able to buy that right away when you saw it-
The story wouldn't have been deep enough for you yet, right?
Ezra Vancil: No. No, it,it taught me that this, there is meaning in this life.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: We might not see how it's all working out, but there is some meaning to this life. There's a pattern, and that I just need to go, hold on, embrace the things that, that I love.
And you're right, what if I just got what I wanted?
Beth: yeah.
Ezra Vancil: Right ... it's a testament that sometimes we don't get what we want, but maybe there's something even better down the line for- Yeah
someone else or us
Beth: I love how you said that, "What if I would've just gotten what I wanted?"
I, I know that in your life, things have not always gone as expected or as you would've liked them to go, but look at you. You're at, we are talking today. [00:26:00] You are a deeply sensitive creative musician who has so much to share, and it's because you've learned so much from those valleys.
Ezra Vancil: Yeah. I mean, roots matter. Yeah. Strong roots matter. Yeah. I look at all the, the hard things that have happened in my life, and I'm grateful for them now 'cause they've made me who I am.
I love the music that I write now and the poetry, and it is all written from the ingredients of my life.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: And I just wouldn't have it any other way because what I wrote when I was young, you know, I, it's okay, some people like that, but there was no roots there. You know, the music could just blow over, where I feel like what I write now is meaningful to me, and that matters a lot.
It's actually a picture book of my life that I can give, and it helps heal not just me, but my family. I've recently This new album I have, Morning and Midnight, it [00:27:00] focuses a lot on family. I've written a book, and my mom reads that book daily. She'll write me and tell me her reading for the day, 'cause it's poetry and small little journals.
And it, I believe that through me healing through art, that it's actually healing my family. So if all these hard things didn't happen, there would not be this, these riches of, beautiful things, to give.
In my journal, I will write, "I consent to today, whatever comes and to whoever comes." I'm saying yes to whatever comes. Because whether it's frustrating, good, bad, or whatever, I know that it somehow plays into the story, and I know myself, and it's gonna play into a piece of art eventually.
Beth: Oh, I love that. Oh, and so everyone that's listening, you need to look up Ezra Vancil, on Spotify or wherever you listen to your music. I I listened to a lot of, Ezra's music since [00:28:00] I scheduled our interview,
I am a person who in the things I read, the music I listen to, I love depth in the richness of the word.
And when I listen to music that has depth, my brain can see what you were trying to say as far as a message. And what I've seen from your music, is there is depth in there for learning, for understanding, for getting through, for celebrating, for appreciating. It's, all there
Ezra Vancil: Yes.
I think I, I use this term for what I do in music now in this period of my life, which is I'm redeeming the past.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: I take all the mistakes that I've made in my life, that others have harmed me or I've harmed them, and I want to make something, like we talked about, distill from it something meaningful and beautiful.
So some might be a little harder some were written during a divorce and some are written for joy and happiness, [00:29:00] but I want to bring the beautiful element out of that and what I've learned. And so, yeah, thank you so much for saying that. Yeah. Be- because m- my music is a part of my heart I try to put out there in the best way I can.
Beth: Now, I think a thank you needs to go to musicians like you, who, when you felt vulnerable, you were willing to open up and share the emotion, the story, the, the success, the failure, whatever it was you needed to share at that moment,
When you share it, it does exactly what we talked about with the birds. It takes hard stuff And it recreates it so that it can be nutritional to that spirit that is languishing in whatever similar case that you were writing about.
it is a message you had to share because people need to hear what you went through and how you got through it. So-
Ezra Vancil: Yeah ...
Beth: [00:30:00] yeah. Thanks go out to musicians like you who have the courage to do that very thing.
Yeah. And it's something at this age, you know, th- that I'm at, that we're at as artists,
Ezra Vancil: I'm still creating and, and, but I have, gathered so much, and so it's a time of, empathy, of understanding that I need to look here.
This is where the work needs to be done.
I'm at a time in my life where I want the work to be how do I, how do I give?
How do I help that next person up and not make it hard for them? Because it's hard enough as it is, you know? I need to make it easier for each one of us to cli- you know, metaphorical mountain, you know?
I so agree with that.
Beth: So I'm gonna ask you a question. Knowing what we've just talked about, um, we're touching on areas where there is confidence. So let's, let's look at how confidence in yourself helped you be more [00:31:00] creative?
Ezra Vancil: So I actually work on my confidence separately as its own thing. I've had times where embarrassing things have happened on stage and it went really bad, and my confidence just goes away.
It got so bad after I failed at a a contest, and I failed pretty badly on stage. And I was playing for two decades. I could stand on a stage and I can entertain an audience.
But after that one show, I couldn't get it out of my head, and now each time I played, fear would grip me.
And this was new. I actually got a, a coach that wrote a book that I loved, and I called him and asked to be coach, and he did, and helped me with my confidence back on stage.
And so it's something that I really need to hold onto because I want to go out into the world and present, like we talked about, being authentic.
I can't do that if I'm not confident.
Beth: Right.
Ezra Vancil: I can't be vulnerable. You have to be vulnerable on a stage and authentic and to connect with people.
And so [00:32:00] there's a lot of books that I read to remind myself, first of all, that I'm worthy. Mm. They've asked me to step on their stage.
Beth: Yes.
Ezra Vancil: I can stand on it. Yes. And, I can be myself. it's a work in progress though.
Beth: I think that it doesn't matter how many years you've been in business or how many performances you've done or how much art you've prepared for clients, there is a vulnerability in your head, "Er, I don't know if this is gonna be good enough.
when I'm doing artwork, and a lot of my art is digital, so it's prepared, and I hit the send button on an email and off it goes, and it's like shooting your baby into space.
It is, it's terrifying. It nev- that never goes away. But I know one thing about confidence that I teach to my students is that if you never feel awkward about something that you're doing, you'll never grow to a new level. You'll never get to [00:33:00] increase your talents or your experience or your confidence.
You have to feel awkward and out of your comfort zone in order to just grow. So that's part of it, right? Do you- Yeah ... do you feel that?
Ezra Vancil: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel... So one of those coaches that I worked with, he had the idea, and I I, completely embrace this, is that our fears are a compass pointing the other way that we're-
than what we should go. Yeah. So it actually tells us where we need to go. Wherever our fear's telling us to go, oh, it's the other way. Mm-hmm. And so we worked on first identifying those fears and doing little things in our life to confront those fears because, I know this from experience, that what I was really desiring was on the other side of that fear that kept me.
In my young life, I was so I didn't like how I looked. I didn't like how I sounded. I didn't like how I [00:34:00] talked, So I refused to have a video camera.
I have no recordings of my live shows because I was so stuck on this idea that if somebody sees me, they won't like my music. Well, on the other side of that is a, a wider and a larger expression of who I am. And so that fear was pointing the wrong way, and I finally stepped over it, and I started doing videos, and I started talking.
And I went, "Oh, wow, there's Ezra." You know, th- there's a whole guy there that never got to express himself. Right. And so I really do look at fears, I try to identify them, and just little bitty things, what can I do to just confront this a little bit, and just push it a little bit, and see- Oh, yeah ... what that fear is.
Beth: Yeah, just push yourself a little out of your comfort zone.
but not do a giant leap where you're going to fall flat and, then you'll say, "See? I told you I couldn't do it."
Ezra Vancil: Yeah.
Beth: Because that's what your inner critic is gonna tell you.
[00:35:00] And I love your point of, uh, wherever your fears are facing you, you need to just 180 it, right? That's- Mm ... that's a really good compass.
Ezra Vancil: It really is.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: Yeah. Our, li- e- I think everybody can look in their life, if they've lived long enough, and go, "Yeah."
Beth: Yeah. "
Ezra Vancil: This fear kept me from doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing."
Beth: I also love that you said when you had some confidence issues, you went and got a coach.
That was a super brave thing to do, to just say, "This is beyond what I can do all by myself. I need some help." And you went and found,that person that could help you look and hold up a mirror to what you were doing and say, "Okay, here's what we're gonna do, and here's how we're gonna do it, and you can get past this."
Finding help is never a bad thing, never a bad thing.
Ezra Vancil: Yeah. It's a big thing in my life. I, I learned this when I was dealing with substance abuse, that [00:36:00] I had to have somebody else, exactly that, I use the same exact word, to mirror me. Because my thoughts were all messed up.
Beth:
Ezra Vancil: I needed to say them out loud and hear them back and go, "Yeah, I don't agree with that."
Don't
Beth: say that, uh, yeah.
Ezra Vancil: if you need help in an area, go to somebody that has expertise or who has been through that, that same thing and has overcome it.
Go to that person for that particular thing. Don't go to a good businessman that has a bad marriage and ask him a marital advice, you know?
Beth: No.
Ezra Vancil: And coaches are great because they have honed their expertise in a certain area.
Beth: So we talked a little bit about how confidence has helped your creativity. Now let's flip it around and let's look at how creativity has helped your confidence.
Ezra Vancil: I, actually now, these things are kinda weird. I will actually go back in my past and look at, making an album and how it was just a blissful experience, [00:37:00] and I wanna document that.
And when my, when I'm losing confidence, I wanna use those creative moments to remind myself, "Hey, you can be confident." You know, and speaking of like going on stage, one of the things I do now when I go on stage is 'cause I start having fears, "Oh, I'm am I gonna remember this part? I'm gonna, am I gonna forget this or play this wrong?"
I tell myself, "Hey, remember last week and the week before that, you played it just perfectly at your house. So if you can do it there, you can do it anywhere, So I will actually pull from my life,
I'm looking at doing a new double album with my daughter right now, and it, it scares me.
I'm like, "I don't know if I can afford that, and how long is it gonna take?" I'm gonna go, "You know, you just made a double album and it was wonderful. The feeling of completing that was just, that was one beautiful time in your life, so let's go do it again."
And it gives me confidence to to walk up and show up.
Beth: confidence creates creativity, and [00:38:00] creativity then creates the confidence. And if you can allow yourself to listen to your own message, it will help you, feel a little bit better, about the work that you're doing and the message that you have to get out.
So sometimes the person that needs your creative message the most is yourself.
Ezra Vancil: Yeah.
well, I have to add there's my book that, of poetry I wrote, which is a book of journals and poetry while I was making my album It is, it literally what you're talking about. I would wake up in the morning 'cause I was, this was a huge project, bigger than anything I'd ever done.
It was costing a lot, people were involved, and I had to show up, and cameras and videos. And I wrote almost an entire book of telling myself, "You can do this," and why I do this, and remembering why do I do this at all? And I, I, so I might tell the advice to somebody else, why don't I give [00:39:00] that a- advice to myself and hear it?
Beth: Well, they always say the people who are writing the self-help books, they wrote the self-help book to help themselves, right?
So let's, um, let's talk about advice that you have for other creatives. I know we touched really briefly on learn the rules and then throw them out. But do you have any other advice you would give to, a musician that was where you were when you were younger?
What kind of advice do you have to someone who is wanting to really get going and has goals and dreams they'd like to reach?
Ezra Vancil: The biggest advice I give is the, the answer is in the work itself. A lot of times we do so much, I do planning too, but we th- we get stuck there-
Beth: Yeah ...
Ezra Vancil: in reading about it, watching videos about it.
The answer is in the work. And there's this quote by, I think it's Somerset Maugham, they asked how does he get [00:40:00] inspired, and he says, "I show up at 9:00 AM and I'm inspired." Yeah. Just like the answer, the inspiration is in the work itself. So that's the biggest thing is we can get lost in these, these getting prepared.
You'll actually find what you need to find in the work. You'll actually find the things you need to learn in the work.it'll tell you. And so get to the work, start in that. Yeah. Break off if you need to learn something, but continually go, what I'm looking for is in doing the work. you do learn the fundamentals of things, but even in that time, you should be putting them into action so that you can understand what you really need to know and what you're really lacking.
And so that's the, that's the biggest thing I would say to anybody in any creative field.
Beth: you still need to do the work.
Ezra Vancil: Mm-hmm.
Beth: It's important.
Ezra Vancil: Yes. There's a there's a, a acronym that musicians know, it's called GAS, which you have GAS means you have gear acquisition syndrome.[00:41:00]
So it's what you do when you're really afraid to make your album, is you just keep buying gear or looking at it . And what that is is just a way to put off doing the work.
Beth: Doing
Ezra Vancil: the work. You know? And- Yeah ... and you put it off 'cause like you said, it is hard. Some- that's why it's called the work. It is work sometimes.
Work is work. And sometimes it's, it's-
Beth: Yeah ... it's
Ezra Vancil: work is work, yeah.
Beth: Yeah. So you've got to be able to get in there and appreciate the fact that you get to do this work, and enjoy the tussle that you'd, you'd mentioned earlier, you know? just enjoy wrestling with those problems, because some of the best creativity comes from the hardest problem that you had to solve,
Ezra Vancil: I find so much about myself and I grow so much by facing those problems. Like you said, putting them down, but not running away. Coming back, 'cause there is so much for us in that wrestling match that happens with us in a blank page.
Beth: Yeah.
Ezra Vancil: Personally and creatively and in all areas of [00:42:00] our life, if we wrestle with it, we'll find gold in there.
Beth: Yes, there is gold in there. In them hills. Speaking of gold, can you tell us where we can find some of your treasures? Where can we find you? Where can we find your music, your books, your poems?
Ezra Vancil: Right now, I have a double album out and it's called Morning and Midnight, and there's an accompanying book with it called Mornings and Midnights. And you can find that on my webpage, and it's just my name, ezravancil.com, and from my webpage, you can find all the other stuff, YouTube, and Instagram and all that.
But that's on vinyl right now. It's not released completely out in the world. If you wanna listen to some streaming stuff, I have several albums that are out streaming now on any app you have. You can just search my name, Ezra Vancil, and it'll pull up my music. And i- if you wanna reach out to me, then probably Instagram is probably the best channel if you wanna talk with me.
Beth: [00:43:00] And all the links for things that Ezra just has mentioned will be in the show notes so that you'll have a live link that can take you straight to his website or to his Instagram account anything that you're interested in following up with Ezra on. So, but I do highly recommend that you go on your favorite streaming platform and find his music, and then- Go farther.
I mean, if you really want to enjoy Ezra's full scope of the message that he has to share with whatever you're walking through right now go on his website and find his books, and really balance out, uh, his music with his writing, and I think then you'll get the full package. Yeah.
Ezra, oh my gosh, I could talk to you all afternoon,
Ezra Vancil: I know.
Beth: So thank you so much for joining us today. I, have learned so much about your creativity, and it is exciting.
I l- [00:44:00] love the stories you've told, and just the gifts you've shared today about how you are putting your creativity out into the world to do some really good things. So listeners, what are you going to take away from what we've talked about today? What are you going to consent to with what you're going to do as you create today?
Think about that. How can you take yourself out of a comfort zone and go a little bit farther with whatever creativity you need to share with the world? 'Cause as we've talked, everyone is creative. We all have a message that we need to share with the world. What do you need to share, and are you sharing it right now?
And when you do, my friend, it will help you stay creative. Ezra, thank you so much for joining us today. I, uh, am so blessed that we had some time [00:45:00] together.
Ezra Vancil: I feel lucky that you had me on the podcast, and keep up the good work. I'll keep listening to your podcast. I, I think it's wonderful.
Beth: Oh, thank you so much.
You're so kind. Everyone, take care, and I will see you again next week. Bye-bye.
