E126 Release what you're holding onto
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Speaker: [00:00:00] Hello.
Hello, my friend. Welcome back to another episode of Create Today. Today, I wanna start off our conversation by having you do a little self-exploration. I want you to just feel your heart area, and are you feeling any heaviness right now? That's what I want you to explore. Investigate what is feeling heavy in your life right now, and often that is because you're hanging on to something right now. You're holding tightly to some things in your life. So let's take a look at what those might be. It could be thoughts or [00:01:00] expectations, could be a conversation that you keep replaying over and over again in your mind.
Maybe it's a mistake that you made that you cannot let go of, or work that you've been doing that you cannot get finished. or dreams that you haven't allowed yourself to share with anyone.
Now, if you're thinking, "Yes, I have done that," or, "Yes, I'm doing that right now. I am hanging on to these things right now," do not feel alone, my friend. Every person alive on this planet has something that they're gripping onto, and projects and information that they are hesitating to share, and ideas and dreams that they are hiding.
We keep holding on to these kinds of things on our already full plates, or we hide them in our proverbial closets and, like a hoarder, we are filling [00:02:00] up our lives with the things we cannot let go of. And then we wonder why we feel so heavy.
Sometimes we're carrying the sting of criticism long before anyone has even said anything to us that is critical. Or we hoard our unfinished things in our proverbial closets, like somehow these things will define us.
And we harbor the fear of bad results so much that we often never or we rarely let go of our best and most novel, innovative ideas. And here's the thing about carrying and hiding the weight of all the unfinished and the unshared works, and ideas, and goals, and dreams.
Holding onto and hiding these things doesn't protect you. It just keeps you from going forwards. So today [00:03:00] we arrive at the fourth and the final word of the Going Forwards framework, and honestly, my friend, this one might be the most important word, and the word is release. Now, for the past three weeks, we've been on a journey together going through my Going Forwards framework.
It's a simple but powerful way to take better care of yourself using creativity as your tool to make you happier and even healthier. And these four words are revive, realize, refine, and release.
We started with our first word, revive. And this is recognizing when your energy levels are lower than you're willing to admit, and then giving yourself permission to rest and refuel and refill this energy before you crash and before you burn out. And then we moved into [00:04:00] the realize stage. And in this important stage, you learned how to step off autopilot that is forcing you to ghost yourself, and you discovered how you can actually see and be in your life again.
The realize stage helps you notice and appreciate what's beautiful in your life, and then understand what really matters. And also, give yourself that check-in to find out how you are really doing today. Then came the refine stage.
This is doing the work, the intentional ongoing process of shaping your life around what you value most, paying attention to your needs, making small and purposeful adjustments to your life, participating fully in your life rather than just going through the motions. Also, allowing yourself to actually do this work, giving [00:05:00] yourself the permission to give yourself this self-care so that you can be happier and healthier.
And now we're here to explore our final word, release. Because revive and realize and refine all build towards this moment. And with the new knowledge that you've learned so far in these first three words, now you need to see if you can loosen your grip enough to let go of the detritus that you've been holding onto.
The things that you're holding onto right now, these are things that are keeping you from going forwards, and that's what release is asking of you. That is what release is daring you to do. Let go. So let's define this word release. What does it really mean, and how does it work inside the Going Forwards framework?
So I wanna start by telling you what release is [00:06:00] not
It is not giving up. It is not quitting. It is not phoning in your efforts. It is not lowering your standards. Release is the moment that you decide, "I have done what I can do, and now I'm going to trust myself enough to let it get out there into the world."
Now, whether that's a project that you've been endlessly tweaking, a conversation that you've been rehearsing for weeks, or maybe it's an email that you've been trying to write. Maybe it's an opinion someone gave you years ago that you are still carrying with you today. Maybe it's a version of yourself that you have outgrown and need to let go of.
Maybe it's a dream that you keep almost pursuing. Release is the act of opening your hands and your heart, and like a helium balloon, [00:07:00] releasing the grip you have on that string, and letting your gift, your work, your ideas, your dreams, your goals, letting them float out into the universe to do what they were created to do.
So this word release, it often takes more courage than most people realize. And here's what I've come to understand in my life and with all the creatives I've had the pleasure to work with, and then you tell me if you recognize this in your life. What most people call procrastination or perfectionism, it's actually a little bit of fear.
Fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of comparison, fear of being seen and found wanting. It's fear of letting go of control. And so to stay safe, we stay [00:08:00] frozen at the point of almost done, almost finished, almost spoken out loud, almost shared, almost lived. And life becomes clogged with almosts. And my friend, almost is costing you so much.
It is so expensive. Not just emotionally, but physically, mentally, and in the deepest parts of how you experience each day.
So let's take a moment to look at the science here,
because I think it's important, and honestly, it might give you that permission to release something that you didn't even know that you were hanging onto. When you ruminate, when you replay, um, something that has happened or something that will happen, and you refuse to let it go, your body treats this kind of, um, rumination, those messages, it treats it as an emotional [00:09:00] lockdown.
Like there is an ongoing threat right now. Research shows that when you ruminate like this, when you are giving yourself permission to have that persistent focus on negative thoughts, that it works through what scientists call a preservative cognition hypothesis. An hypothesis is something that could happen, not something that is happening, right?
So ever have a meeting or an email that was distressing that you can't stop thinking about? and then you have another project or an idea that you are hesitating to share because you're ruminating that something equally awful will happen.
But this conversation hasn't even happened. It's just your imagination telling you what you think a person might say about you. Essentially, when you're stuck in this kind of rumination mode, and you're thinking about it [00:10:00] today, it extends your brain's perception of this stressor, causing a prolonged and intense stress response even before an actual threat has even happened.
So in practical terms, that means when people ruminate more than usual about their stress, they then wake up the next day with significantly higher cortisol levels because their bodies still feel like it's in stress mode even after they have slept. So that conversation that they are thinking about at 2:00 AM on repeat, your body responds to it as if it is happening right now.
And then let's also talk about perfectionism, which is one of the most common reasons people can't
release their work, their ideas, or their decisions into the world. And this is you're thinking you need to add [00:11:00] one more thing, or that whatever you're working on it's not exactly the right time to send out your thoughts and your goals and your dreams yet.
So research shows that higher levels of self-compassion Are consistently linked with lower levels of perfectionism, anxiety, depression, and stress. And this means that if you can convince yourself to treat yourself with the same kindness that you would offer a friend, that this is one of the most effective ways you can move past fear and perfection paralysis, and instead move yourself into action,
So people who are compassionate about themselves are less likely to engage in rumination, in thought suppression, and avoidance. They are more likely to appraise difficult situations as manageable rather than threatening. In other [00:12:00] words, the antidote to the fear that keeps you from releasing something, well, that is not more discipline.
It's not more preparation. It's not waiting until timing or the project feels perfect. It's pure and simple self-compassion. It's the decision to say, "This is good enough. I'm not perfect. I am good enough. I am not perfect, but I am good enough, and I am going to trust what I have made, and I'm going to release it into the world."
Because here's the truth, you cannot carry fear, perfectionism, self-judgment, and the weight of all other people's opinions, you cannot carry that forever and still expect to find inspiration and happiness and creativity and peace in your life. So you cannot feel fully alive if you cannot release [00:13:00] and go forwards with your creativity.
And so in this final stage, release dares you to be brave and courageous, and it dares you to loosen your grip on whatever you have been holding and hoarding.
Now, let's take a moment to pause for a word from our sponsor. And today's sponsor, well, that would be me.
Now, let's take a moment to pause for a word from our sponsor. And today's sponsor, well, that would be me. If the idea of releasing and finally putting down the weight of what you've been carrying so you can move forward with more freedom and happiness, if this is resonating with you,
I want to invite you into the offerings here at Create Today. First, let's talk about my Create Today membership. This is a unique creative community that is built [00:14:00] around using creativity as a practical, powerful tool for your wellbeing to enhance not only your personal life but also your creativity.
We explore the Four Words framework together, and we support each other throughout all the hard parts, the reviving, the realizing, the refining, and yes, the releasing. And if you're looking for something more personal, I offer one-to-one coaching where we explore your creativity, just you and I.
We look at your goals, your plans, your path. And you can discover the unique ways you need to go forwards with your creativity to find the happiness in your creative life And in your creative goals. You can find all my memberships, my coaching, and all the Create Today resources at www.bdi-create.today.
And you'll also find links to take you [00:15:00] directly to the signup and registration pages in today's show notes. My friend, you deserve a happier and healthier life and successful creative pursuits. And you don't have to figure out how to get there all by yourself.
So come and create today together with me.
So you might be thinking, "Whew, I am holding onto some things in my life, Beth." And you might be thinking, "I would love to release a bunch of what I'm holding and hoarding and get it out into the world. But I'm a bit nervous.
I'm not sure how I can do this in my life." So my friend, you know I love a good list,
Here are seven ways to practice how to release in your life. Number one: notice what you're carrying. Check in with yourself honestly. What is this heavy thing I'm holding onto? What are you feeling right [00:16:00] now? So what thought, fear, regret, expectation are you gripping tightly to at this moment?
You can't let go of it if you can't name it. Many times we've held onto something for so long, we almost forget what we are grasping onto. you can feel the weight of it, but my friend, you can't put something down until you know what's in your hands. So what are you holding onto?
Name it. or maybe you need to make a list of the things you need to release. Number two, stop rehearsing worst case scenarios. Your brain tells itself that rehearsing pain is going to protect you from the pain,
But that won't happen, my friend. Rehearsing it just keeps your nervous system locked in fear for something that hasn't happened yet, and may never happen. So stop rehearsing. When you catch yourself [00:17:00] in that loop, name it out loud. "Just because I'm thinking this doesn't mean it will happen," and stop that looping.
remember it's important to think about what you're thinking, and if it's negative, let it go.
Number three, finish the thing and then release it, even if it's not perfect. My friend, done is better than perfect.
Don't tweak everything one more time. Put your proverbial tools down and send it, share it, submit it. Pick one thing this week that's been sitting in your almost done pile, and then decide today is the day it goes out into the world, not because it's perfect, but because it is ready enough.
Number four, forgive yourself for being human.
none of us are perfect. Not every unfinished thing [00:18:00] is going to be a giant success. Some things will be a lesson that you learn. Some will be a good start that might need some editing. some are just going to be a trial balloon that you completely revise later.
Be prepared to fly your flag even if it's flawed. Flying something is better than flying nothing.
Number five, create a let it go ritual. This one is simple, but it works because your brain responds to physical signals. So I want you to write down your fear, your worry, the harsh thoughts that you're dreading or the thing you can't stop carrying.
Write them down on a piece of paper and then rip up that paper. Or even better, go someplace and burn it safely. Throw your fears away. You can even tuck these written thoughts into a jar or a canister and then later get [00:19:00] them out to review and see if any of these fearful thoughts ever even happened.
'Cause you'll most likely discover that your brain and your imagination worry about a lot of things that just never happen, especially at the scale in which you're dreading it. Right? So give your mind and your body the actual experience of release, not just the idea of it. So write them down and let them go.
Number six, stop carrying other people's opinions as permanent furniture. This one's, this one's important And maybe you wanna even think of this as stop carrying other people's opinions as a permanent tattoo that you wear. Not every criticism deserves a permanent residence in your nervous system.
That is so important to remember. Some comments and opinions, especially from people who don't fully get you or weren't in a position to judge [00:20:00] you fairly, they are allowed to just pass through. Do not let them set up camp. Do not make them permanent. They are not a tattoo that you need to wear. And often these negative comments are from trolls or folks that are not your people or don't know who you've changed into as you have gotten better and more experienced and gotten more wisdom.
So don't hang on to comments that don't help you revise for the better or help you succeed tomorrow. You get to decide what stays and what you release. Number seven, open your hands so you can let it go. This, my friend, is the heart of it all. Everything cannot be controlled. Not every outcome can be guaranteed.
So at some point, release just simply means I've done all I can, I've [00:21:00] given what I have, and now I can let this go out into the world to do whatever good it was made to do. Let's see what happens. letting go is not a weakness, it's the exact opposite.
Being brave enough to say, "Enough, it is time to release," this is one of the most courageous things you can do for yourself.
So release, it is not the end of our journey in our Going Forwards framework. It's actually where the journey becomes real, and it can catapult you into some real motion, my friend. You see, revive gave you your energy back. Realize helped you see the beauty in your life more clearly and more deeply.
Refine gave you the permission to do the work and shape your life and your goals intentionally. But release [00:22:00] is where you finally trust yourself enough to live your life fully and to see where your life and your dreams and your goals can go. Release helps you live, helps you live fully, helps you live out loud without waiting to be perfect.
And here's what I want you to carry with you from this episode. The almosts in your life are expensive. They are costing you more than you know. That unfinished project, that unspoken truth, those unfulfilled dreams, all the things that you are holding onto, that you are putting off until you are more ready or more confident or more certain, this kind of grasping and hoarding of your projects, your dreams, your goals, they are holding you back.
Life is happening right now, Why are you waiting to [00:23:00] release your ambitions? Why are you waiting to get your dreams and your work out there into the world? Life is daring you, and it's gently and persistently telling you
to release what you're holding onto and go forwards, my friend. So here's a question for you today. What are you holding onto that you know you need to let go of? And what would your life feel like if you actually released this thing?
If you made a list of what you're holding onto earlier, I don't want you to get overwhelmed, so just look at that list and release just one thing. One thought you can stop obsessing over. Let it go. One piece of work that you need to send or submit, let it go. One fear that you've written down, I want you to put [00:24:00] it in the trash where it belongs.
Just one thing. What is that one thing that you can release today? Because as we've talked about, going forwards successfully happens when you start small and then you add to it,
Because these small things, they add up.Success compounds because you begin to understand the rhythm of you when you are successfully in motion.
So release is the fourth word in our Going Forwards framework. Hopefully, you've been going forwards with me in each stage. If not, go back and listen to each one of these fabulous words so that you can revive, and you can realize, and you can refine.
And now you know how to release. These are powerful words, and the shifts you apply to make them work, they're subtle. But [00:25:00] here's the thing: the 4 Words framework isn't something you do once and then you're done. It's a pattern that you return to. It's a pattern that repeats itself, because your energy will need restoring again, your awareness will drift, and you need to bring back your focus.
There is always work that needs to be refined, and there will always be something new you need to release. But now you have and understand these four words, and you know that words matter. So if my going forwards framework is adding something meaningful to your life, would you do a favor for me?
Share these episodes with someone else who needs them. If you know someone who's exhausted and won't admit it, someone who's moving through life on autopilot, someone who needs to give themselves the permission to care for their unique needs, someone who has been holding onto something [00:26:00] negative in their life way too long, send them these going forwards episodes and tell them why they are so important.
That act of sharing, that is its own kind of release, my friend.
And if you haven't already, please hit follow or subscribe to the Create Today podcast so you can add more goodness and creativity to your life, to your happiness, and to your health in heart, mind, body, and soul. So think for a moment. Are you carrying heavy things you weren't meant to hold onto forever?
What can you release? My wish for you is to go forwards in your life bravely, courageously, so that you can stay creative, my [00:27:00] friend.
