E89 - Who is Your Inner Voice?
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[00:00:00] No, I'm.
Hello, my creative friend. Welcome to another episode of Create Today with Beth Buffington. Now, before we get started today, I want to set a tone. I want you to imagine that you've been working on a creative project. Now you have put a lot of time and energy into this work. Your heart is excited. Wow, has this been amazing?
And your entire body is feeling positive about the results. And then somewhere in the depths of your mind, a voice says, Hmm, I think you messed up on an area over there. Maybe you shouldn't show this to anyone. [00:01:00] People are just going to pity you and say nice things that they don't really mean
Maybe you should start over, or there are some revisions you should make, or, You're not good enough to show this to anyone. Looks like this is the best you can do with the talent you have.
Do you know that voice? That voice, the one that stops you before you start your creativity or stops you before you share your creativity. That voice has power. But what if I told you that voice? It isn't even your voice. You might be hearing it inside your head. It's not your voice. What if you realized that that voice belongs to someone [00:02:00] else in your past?
And what if you could finally meet them, confront them, understand them, and manage what they are saying? Today we are exploring how you can meet and confront your inner critic, that voice inside your head.
This episode will help you discover where this inner voice, your inner critic, where it came from, and you're going to learn how you can change this voice from an authority figure. That is telling you what for and give it a new role in your creative life. By the end of this episode, you'll not only know who that voice really is, you'll also have practical tools to quiet it, manage it, and start creating with more confidence and [00:03:00] joy.
So what are we waiting for? Let's get started. Now. Here's what surprised me most. When I first learned about this voice in my head. What I learned was that pretty much everyone has a voice in their head. It may whisper, it may yell, it may be annoying. It might be even terrifying, and sometimes it might feel like a circus, but I want you to find some comfort in this, my friend.
You are not alone. This isn't something that you have to deal with all by yourself and that inner critic, it's not random, it has roots. Psychology tells us that this voice often comes from early influences, parents, teachers, authority [00:04:00] figures, even cultural norms that make us feel that we had to be perfect.
In order to be accepted, so like a parent, an authoritative figure, an overbearing boss, the inner critic appears to keep us in line. and here is why it does it. Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research explains that the critic in us is often a misguided form of self-protection.
It's trying to keep us safe from embarrassment or rejection. This means your voice. It's not evil. It's actually trying to protect you by being overprotective, but strangely,
it over protects by making you fearful, self-conscious and anxious.
When you [00:05:00] begin to understand that first, everyone has this inner voice and that two the voice, it's weirdly trying to keep you protected by saying things to you that will keep you from becoming adventurous or discourage you from growing and reaching new goals. Because if you are playing it safe.
You won't have failure and you won't find ridicule or, so that's what the voice believes. Now, I still remember when I was first able to grasp this idea that just because I heard these harsh words from this inner voice, that it didn't mean I needed to listen to them when I realized this voice wasn't something I had to believe.
I remember feeling intense relief. So I want you to keep listening, my friend, and I hope you'll discover this same relief. [00:06:00] Tara Mohr, the author of the book, playing Big. She says, the inner critic doesn't speak the truth. It speaks the fears of a part of you that is very young.
she explains in her book that we can learn to recognize our inner voices for what they are. And when we begin to learn who these inner voices are, we can then understand where they come from and then we can separate them from the voice of your authentic self. So who is your inner critic? Here's where things are going to get a little personal.
Your inner voice, when it speaks, do you know who it is? Your inner critic often belongs to someone you once knew, or it's a strange combination of a few people who had a very tight [00:07:00] grip on your life in some way. This could be a critical parent or a teacher who humiliated you during class.
It could be a boss who made you doubt your talent and was always negative. Now, when I was in school, I played oboe, and one year I had an orchestra conductor who was famous for ridiculing musicians when they made a mistake. He would stop the orchestra and then belittle the person who made a mistake by making them play what they were struggling with in front of all the other musicians.
And I had the distinct pleasure of being under his sarcasm more than once. I played second oboe, and the first oboe who was there to play all the solos, uh, was quite often not at rehearsal. And so when she wasn't there, I had to play [00:08:00] her part, which wasn't a part I was practicing because it was not what I was going to play during the concert.
So oftentimes the solos were really tricky and I had not practiced them. So I didn't know them very well, and I would stumble and the entire orchestra would be told to stop. And he would point to me and he would say, play that again for everyone
Then you, all of a sudden, there you are on the hot seat, not prepared, feeling very vulnerable and you know, you probably couldn't have played, Mary had a little lamb very well at that point, let alone a very complicated solo, so you would mess up.
His way of directing did not make me a better musician. It made me fearful and it created this strange stage fright that I carry with me to this day. And I know that he is a big part of my inner critic. So I [00:09:00] want you to close your eyes for a moment. Unless you're driving, keep 'em open. Whose voice comes up when you hear your inner critic say, you are not good enough,
My friend. You will regain power in your confidence and your abilities when you can identify who your voice is. Because the voice that you are hearing, this is probably someone who has absolutely nothing beneficial to share with you. My orchestra director did not make me a better musician, but he is in my head and when I realized that, that's who I was hearing, that he was adding to self-doubt I had, when times got rough, I learned.
To cause separation between the voice I was hearing and what I knew I was capable [00:10:00] of doing. By separation, I mean, you realize it's not you who is telling yourself you're not good enough.
It's not truth that is saying you are not worthy and you do not need to believe what you are hearing inside your head. So when you can realize that. This voice isn't you talking to yourself. When you can tell yourself this is an internalized voice from the past that is trying to overprotect me. Guess what?
A shift can happen in your mindset and you'll realize that you don't have to give this voice the microphone anymore. And even better, just because you hear the voice doesn't mean that what it is telling you is true.
It is quite often an outright lie. It's just keeping [00:11:00] you playing small so that you won't get hurt.
So if you are now thinking, oh, you mean I don't have to listen to the voice in my head? I hope that you're beginning to discover the relief I felt when I first realized the fact behind my inner critic. so once you know who your voice is or voice is, because I actually think my inner critic is a collective group of oddities that I've picked up throughout my life.
When you can realize who these voices are, then you can rewrite the roles they are playing in your life today. Now, before we go any further, I want to pause for a moment and I wanna share something special with you. If the conversation that we're having right now about creative [00:12:00] confidence is resonating.
Imagine coming and spending four days with me, immersed in a space designed to restore your creative resilience, health, and your happiness. I would love to have you come and join me for the Silva Solace Creative Resilience Retreat. it is happening this fall, October 16 through 19 at the beautiful horseshoe farm in North Carolina, and my friend, it is in the peak of fall, would all the leaves will be turning
This is a time for deep restoration. It's going to be a place to find inspiring exploration about how you can care for your inner creative and how you can take care of it in times of stress. So calm let's that inner [00:13:00] critic and you'll leave refreshed, reset, and ready to create. From your heart. Now, spaces for this retreat are very limited, so visit www.bdicreate.today/silva retreat to learn more and to reserve your spot, my friend.
I would love to meet you and see you there.
Now, let me assure you that you actually do not need to listen to your inner critic. The critic sounds convincing but it is casting some shade, my friend. It's telling tall tales about things that are not true.
Your inner critic is great at making you [00:14:00] feel like you shouldn't or you don't belong. And this is often called, imposter syndrome research on imposter syndrome shows that even the most accomplished creatives feel this way. In fact, up to 82% of people experience imposter feelings at some point.
So again, feel some comfort knowing that you are not alone. That this feeling of I don't belong. Everyone feels it. Even the most accomplished people they often feel like they're somehow not here legitimately. So feel some comfort there. And then here is the science kicker.
These feelings of being inadequate, They do not reflect reality.
a study from the Journal of Behavioral Science found that self-doubt rarely predicts actual ability.
It only [00:15:00] predicts how much joy we allow ourselves to feel in the process. that is amazing. Did you hear that? Self-doubt does not predict ability. It only predicts how much joy we let ourselves feel, and you can guess. If you listen to your inner critic, the joy quotient will be smashed down quite a bit.
So in other words, if you listen to the critic, you shrink your creative life, not because you lack talent, but because you are playing small or worse. You stop showing up. Okay, so let's, let's say you've determined that your voice is a scary teacher from fifth grade, or maybe it's your over corrective dad or a boss that was never, ever, [00:16:00] ever happy with your work.
I have had a boss like that for sure. And whoa, the stories I could tell, but he might be listening, so we aren't gonna go into that today. So you've named your voice. Yeah. Have you or you've named your voices, you know, like, okay, that's so and so, and oh, that's probably that person. How do you stop listening to them?
Or how can you make them. At least be quieter. How do you do that? Well, as you know, I love a good list. So here are five proven ways to manage your inner critics, sarcasm and doubts. Number one, name them. So when you know who you are listening to, give them a name.
Give your critic a name. It helps to give them a name. One that. You feel will keep you in control. [00:17:00] One that you can point at and say, stop so and so. That's quite enough. when you externalize them, you will label it and then you can table it. Now, this name could actually be the person who you have realized your hearing in your head and.
I mean, if you can tell Miss so-and-so from fourth grade, stop talking to me like that. It makes you feel powerful in a way that you wouldn't have been able to feel when you were that little. so name your critic, number two. I want you to pause and notice when. Your voice speaks say out loud, that's my critic, not me.
And then you can think, Hmm, let's put a pin in that thought. Or you can let yourself feel that relief that we've talked about [00:18:00] and you can actually say to yourself, I don't have to listen to that thought 'cause it's not true. I am worthy. I belong here. Let's do this. So by taking time to pause and realize that the voice is speaking to you, will put you back in the driver's seat.
Number three, I want you to thank and redirect. So when your voice starts talking to you, remember it is trying to protect you. Your voice thinks it's doing something helpful, So you can say, thank you for trying to protect me, but you're being overprotective. So thanks, but no thanks.
I've got this. And then my friend, just carry on. Number four, you can set office hours. You can tell your critic that it can edit your work [00:19:00] after you create, but not during. Some creatives I know actually work up a contract when they start a big project and the contract states inner critic. You can talk again once I finished working on this project or this part of the project, and you may think, this seems silly my friend, that your inner critic isn't a real person.
Why would you do something like set a contract for them? But trust me, it works because this is actually you. Setting up a system of when you should and shouldn't pay attention to the voice that is telling you bad things about what you're working on, and that slows you down. So if you tell your brain, I have put a pause on this voice, you are giving your inner voice a timeout and your brain will be more, ready to allow that to happen.
Give it [00:20:00] a test drive because this really works. Set office hours or write yourself a contract to tell your critic who is in charge. number five, self-compassion. Swap. Swap. Now let me explain what this is. I want you to. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a dear friend who is being brave.
You wouldn't let a mean or humiliating person belittle your friend, right, or belittle your children. So I want you to speak to yourself the way you would guide your friend or your child when they might be responding to harsh comments in real life from a very harsh and negative critic. In real life, you would take them aside and say, I don't think you need to pay attention to this person, or I don't think everything they're saying is true, and you would [00:21:00] calm them down.
So allow yourself to do that to yourself. When your inner critic gets loud and obnoxious, speak to yourself. Remind yourself that you don't have to listen to that voice anymore, but give yourself some grace and do it gently, just like you would if you were talking to a friend. Using these ideas to reduce your critic's power over you is a way to manage it without fighting it, because it causes less turmoil in your brain, in your mind, and this
gives you more energy to put towards your creativity. So I want you to keep this in mind while you are understanding your inner critic. 'cause it doesn't happen overnight that you can just turn off that switch and the inner critic is flipped off and remember.
Understanding that you have an inner critic that you don't have to listen to. [00:22:00] It's not about silencing or exterminating the critic because they're gonna hang around. They are really hard to get rid of. Um, even though I know who mine is, they still talk to me. So this is about reframing or guiding your critic into a new direction where you can handle it better.
Now let's pause again for a moment for another note about the creative benefits you're going to find here at Create Today If you've been listening to this podcast and would like an even deeper dive into your creative abilities. How your heart, mind, body, and soul are affected by your creativity. I would love to invite you into the Create Today membership.
This is where creatives like you are building confidence, rediscovering abilities, and [00:23:00] starting or growing, thriving creative businesses. Now we meet several times a month. For challenges, guest speakers, workshops and biz building sessions with me Inside the Create Today membership.
Lovely creatives like you are seeing their goals soar through the unique opportunities and insider connections. It cannot be found anywhere else except inside Create today. So if you've been craving inspiration and you'd love to have a supportive circle that gets it, and gets you and helps you get things done, my friend, this is your place.
Go to www.bdicreate.today, click on menu, and go down to membership, and you'll be able to join [00:24:00] me very soon.
come and try out the membership for a month and you will be amazed at where you can take your creative dreams.
Now let's work on understanding your inner critic a little more and how to begin to manage who they are and what they can do for you. So here's an easy exercise that you can do right now. I want you to grab a piece of paper and draw a line right down the middle and on the left side, I want you to write this heading, critic's voice.
On the right side, I want you to write my truth. Now, on this left side, I want you to write down one thing that you hear your critics say. Maybe it's your work isn't original. Maybe it's the reason you're not getting likes on social media is dot, dot, dot, What is [00:25:00] your inner critic saying?
Then on the right hand side, I want you to write the response that. If this was someone else what would be the response you would give them as a friend who was giving guidance to someone who had received a harsh word that wasn't true? What would you tell them?
I want you to tell yourself that response and write that on the right side. You might respond with, um, originality comes from showing up, not from being perfect or you're not getting likes because the algorithm is messed up, my friend, as it's, um,
and then because you've started keeping track of what your inner critic is saying, I want you to start writing comments that it is telling you. I want you to write those down in that left hand column. When you hear your inner critic say something fierce.[00:26:00]
Write it down.
and then when you have time, I want you to write down that authentic truth on the right hand side. What is the guidance that you should be giving to yourself? The kind of guidance you would be giving to a good friend or a child that needs encouragement and needs to be told that someone who said something harsh about them is not necessarily true.
Write down your guidance soon, you are going to be able to, see these comments for what they are in real time as your inner critic whispers, cajoles, or even shouts at you. And this will become your new understanding, the one that knows that your critic does not have to be followed, the one that helps you discern the truth faster.
Here's one more fact that you need to take away with you today. Your [00:27:00] inner critic, my friend, is always going to be part of you. It's going to lurk around. It's going to speak harshly to you because it's just a part of how we're made. But here's the thing, when you realize who your voice is. When you know that they are not speaking the truth and you know that they are speaking this way to protect you, you can know this that your inner critic does not have to run the show.
This is an old voice from your past saying things that used to be scary, used to be scary, but these things. Are from your past and you no longer have to pay attention to this person or the comments that they are making. This person, who might have ruled your school or your job or your life is not the boss of you anymore.
Today, [00:28:00] you have a chance to meet that person. You have a chance to name that person and you have a chance to understand where and why that voice is coming to you from the past, and now you are able to give it a new and a lesser role in your life. This voice, like I said, is not the boss of you. It is not a parent or a teacher or a boss that you have to listen to.
Please remember that creativity does not thrive in fear. I did not become a better musician when I was being taught by a director who used fear as a tool. Because creativity, it only thrives when it is free.
when you have the freedom to experiment, when you have the freedom to be curious, when you are allowed to fail without humiliation, when you are allowed to [00:29:00] fail and realize failure is not failing, it's learning, Creative freedom starts when you decide that the harsh voice in your head isn't the truest one.
Thank you for being here today, my friend, and if this episode helped you, please share it with another creative soul who needs a little courage today. who is your inner critic. My wish for you today is that you can hush those ominous words that your critic is spewing at you, and instead, tuck those words on the list that you've started, and then redirect yourself with a new voice that allows your creativity to be curious, that allows your creativity to try new things and to be brave to share your work to a world that needs.
Truly needs what you [00:30:00] have to share, and no matter where this new, beautifully curious voice leads you, please remember that my wish for you as always is to stay creative, my friend.
