E111 - Lisa Murphy - making life easier
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Beth: [00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of Create Today with Beth Buffington. You know, I always love to bring on new guests for you to meet and greet and learn from, but some of my favorite guests are the ones that come back again and again, and today I have one of my favorite people to have on the podcast.
She's here with us today, and that is Lisa Murphy. She's a healthy aging coach and helps people just figure out where they are and who they are in the season that they are in, and how they can be healthier and happier in the skin that they are traveling in. So today we are going to talk about a very important topic that is happening worldwide and I am so glad that you are here today.
To join in this very powerful conversation. Lisa, welcome to the [00:01:00] Create Today Podcast. I am so glad to have you back here again.
Lisa: Hi Beth. Thank you so much. It is always such a pleasure and my gosh, congratulations. What, episode is this for you?
Beth: This is episode one 11. Yes.
Lisa: Wonderful. Amazing. I think I was maybe number 13 or something the very first time I was on.
So congratulations to you and the message that you're spreading is always valuable, so yeah, thanks for that.
Beth: Thanks Lisa, and having you here today is just going to help the listeners understand their wellbeing so much more. When Lisa's on, we talk more, than just creativity. We talk about how we can take care of ourselves physically in our core, as well as how we can work with the world more empathetically.
And so that's what we're gonna talk about today because. I don't know about you guys, but the world [00:02:00] is really heavy right now. I, how many of us feel like we're just walking around with that proverbial anvil sitting on our head? It's heavy are you feeling that way too, Lisa?
Lisa: Oh, absolutely.
I, I mean, no matter what side of the aisle you may be on, and whether you even turn the news on or not, I think it's pretty hard to escape. The conflict that we're, that we're living underneath the energetic tone feels, yes. Very heavy to me as well.
Beth: the world is loud in so many ways, we have.
International politics. We have domestic politics, we have community struggles. We're looking at, a lot of work that is heavy just in our careers and our responsibilities. And because all of this is happening, I don't really know very many people that don't have some sort of drama that they're dealing with.
Then couple that with people who are [00:03:00] sandwiched between raising children and maybe caring for parents or caring for others who need additional help in their lives. So it's a lot on our plates.
Lisa: And I'm really glad that you are willing to discuss this topic because I think who cannot agree with everything that you just said. Now, maybe there are some people who are, things are going really swimmingly for them.
I'm so happy for them. That's wonderful. But I'm afraid the world that we're living in with social media where. It seems like even forget AI for a moment if you can, that social media and our digital world encourages us to always be putting a shiny face and our best foot forward, which I definitely believe seeing the glass as half full.
However, I don't think it's healthy to pretend that the rest isn't there.
Beth: I agree. I think that a lot of social media makes us [00:04:00] feel like we shouldn't look at our glasses half empty or half full. But it should be full. It should be overflowing. See, mine is isn't yours? Oh, exactly. What's wrong with you? If it's not perfect,
Lisa: Right.
Beth: And that's, that is what we're seeing and we, we get those. Dopamine hits when we're on our phone for watching short term videos that are trying to tell us how life can be better, can be perfect. If only you, bought this or had that, or went to this course, or as long as your house was cleaner or you could vacation like this person, I mean, the list goes on and on and on.
When we get done scrolling, while we might've thought, oh, cute, cute video of this animal, or, uh, that's an adorable child, or, what a beautiful sunset when we get off our phone. We just have this kind of icky feeling that we can't figure out how to get rid of, and [00:05:00] that is not helping us figure out how to process what is going on.
In our lives environmentally, emotionally, and physically.
Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the distraction can be good, but what I'm hearing you say is that dopamine hit however brief it is, then it's empty afterwards. We're still empty, and I really believe in being open. And giving ourselves and everyone else around us permission to feel all of the feels and to perhaps learn how to befriend them more.
And I, I believe that that might help our whole world suffer less.
Beth: if we're going to talk about the world being heavy right now, I think it's helpful to just take a hard look at when we are. Feeling like we're just reacting to all the stimuli that's being blared at us. how [00:06:00] are we dealing with those triggers?
And so Lisa, as a healthy aging coach, what are some of those big triggers that we are seeing and we are having to deal with?
Lisa: Yeah, well I'm hearing from a lot of my people, you know, world events, the news. And also fear. a lot has changed economically for many people. Health costs, healthcare costs have gone through the roof, whether that's insurance or paying for your own.
I'm hearing a lot about device use these days because we want to stay informed and so we're kind of glued to the screens, if you will, which does create that addiction that you spoke of. I'm hearing a lot about that.
but I think the biggest thing that we can do as individuals is really tune into our bodies so that we are aware of what we are being triggered by and when. So if we know that the [00:07:00] news. Makes us feel up like this up in our head.
Well, one, stop watching the news. Right? But this, this somatic awareness is so important, so that then we can go, oh, I'm feeling stressed. I wonder if I could relax my shoulders.
Mm-hmm.
I wonder if I could relax my body and then that would tell my brain, it's okay, you're safe.
Beth: one of the things that you just said that I think is important to unpack is. It is okay not to watch the news all the time.
Lisa: Yes.
Beth: And I, I think a lot of us kind of grew up thinking that's what adults did. You know, you watch the news, it was your
Lisa: responsibility at five 30. Yeah. At five 30.
Beth: Yeah.
Um, I'm, I am old enough to remember Walter Cronkite, you know, and that's the way it is. It was what my mom and dad did. So when you got to be an adult, you better watch the news because that's what you do. But see, the news was on for a half an hour and maybe, maybe another half an hour for local news.
[00:08:00] Now it is on 24 7. Yeah. You cannot get away from it. And so that responsibility is in the back of your head going, you know, I, I should probably figure out like, what's going on here? How much time do you really need to watch the news in order to feel informed?
And it's not that you have to completely, boycott the news, but you can certainly whittle that down and having someone say to you, and that's okay. I think it's important for people to know it's not your responsibility and just because you watch the news for four or five hours a day isn't helping anything get solved, and that news is still gonna be there.
If you watch for half an hour a day or 15 minutes a day, you'll still be able to get caught up pretty fast.
Lisa: Yeah, a hundred percent. I think it's about being intentional and limiting and curating our inputs.
And even social media channels are full of the news now, So, yeah, set some boundaries [00:09:00] on scroll time. Like, 10 minutes in the morning or whatever, and it's like, okay, right. Time is up after that.
So I, yeah, really being intentional and aware about what we're letting into our systems.
Beth: Mm-hmm. Uh, 'cause what you allow in is what you end up thinking about.
I mean, if you're feeling anxious about, your day as you get started or if, you are having some insomnia. I mean, how many people right now are having trouble sleeping because they're taking the weight of the world to bed with them each night?
and then addictions, it is so easy to. Allow an addiction to numb out the mental exhaustion that you've got.
it is not hard to slide into an addiction that is as easy as, um. Your phone.I think most people would be shocked to see the hours that they're spending on their phone and,
[00:10:00] how much time are you spending just watching, uh, video after video. The algorithms know what you like and they will feed it to you. And it's like having candy that you can't stop eating. And then, online gambling for that quick dopamine hit that you're going to get and
Drugs and alcohol is always on that list. Just the fact that we have dry January tells you how much alcohol consumption we have.
Lisa: Yeah, and I think that it's so helpful to hear all those things because it's easy to say, oh, I'm not an addict. I don't have any problems with that. But you know, again,
I think the things that you listed off, they are. Simply coping mechanisms, well intended coping mechanisms because when we are feeling uncomfortable or agitated in our bodies, in our systems, Instead of dropping down, noticing it, feeling it, and learning to be friend [00:11:00] that. our brain says, oh, have a glass of wine.
You'll forget about that discomfort. Or go do some shopping. There's a sale, and you'll forget about that for now. So I think it's also important to recognize that these coping mechanisms have a positive intention. And by the way, they're all designed to be addictive. I mean, it's not by accident that we can't put our phones down.
Beth: That's right.
And then, because we know we need to react to it and we need to figure out a way to cope,
And then it's that whole, you know, fight or flight. Fawn and then Martha Beck brought in flop, which I love. Mm-hmm. So, if you're going to fight, you get very confrontational. If you're going to fly, you're gonna run away from everything. and if you're going to flop, it's like you're, that's, you're gonna just be on the couch
Lisa: binging Netflix,
Beth: right?
Yeah. And then the faun is you are. A people [00:12:00] pleaser. So what can you do to just appease everyone around you so that everyone will like you andthat is not solving your problems. It is quite often just kicking the can down the roads that you continually have to appease people who might be harming you in some way.
Lisa: Oh gosh. I love that fight. Flight flop and fawn is simply our nervous system's way of keeping us safe. It is evolutionary and brain-based, right? So when the brain perceives that there is a danger, it's like, okay, I gotta save your life.
So it does one of those four things. Yeah. However. We're not really being chased by tiger most of the time. So the body can't tell the difference. The brain can't tell the difference between chronic low grades stress, like what we get from doom scrolling.
Or when we're actually getting chased by tigers. So we're just, getting ourselves. Amped up like 24 7, like the news cycle. and that's the problem. And not [00:13:00] only does it not help our health or wellbeing, particularly the fond, the people pleasing, when we put other people's needs over our own, we are telling our system that we don't matter.
And you know what that can so often lead to today is autoimmune conditions in women, particularly middle aged women, are the highest diagnosed. Demographic of autoimmune diseases and what is literally happening in an autoimmune disease? Your body's attacking itself.
Beth: Wow.
Lisa: So we gotta listen to these things.
There are a wealth of information, but if we can just drop out of our heads and down into our bodies so that we can see the reaction we're having to all these stimuli.
Beth: back in the day when we were really running from danger
Lisa: mm-hmm.
Beth: You know, cortisol would spike. So that would give us that momentary energy to just put, our legs in motion so that [00:14:00] we could propel ourselves literally away from danger.
And then when you pulled yourself away from danger. The cortisol would immediately drop because you would go, oh, that's over. And then you would just go back into resting and you see that with animals. we'll have a rabbit in the backyard.
raspberry will come into the yard. The rabbit will run far enough to get away from raspberry. Then it will stop and just start nibbling grass again. So you can see it go woo dog and then run for its life and then just stop and start eating. And so that is like, flight and then fine.
And then flight, and then fine. But it easily turns off cortisol that's giving it that burst of energy. And then it just goes back into I'm an animal and I'm gonna nibble on grass. We don't do that anymore.
Lisa: No, we don't because it's 24 7. It's coming at us all the time.
Beth: Yes. So we are constantly, ramping up and
we just keep layering [00:15:00] on the stress, the anxiety, and that is what we're here to talk about today. It's like, okay, this is a problem. What can we do to solve that? And how can we do that without getting on medicated drugs? Or isn't there a way that we could do this that will be holistic?
Healthier for us and free.
Lisa: Hmm.
Beth: So much of what we feel like we need to become healthier seems like it comes at such a cost.
Lisa: Hmm.
Beth: and that is financially and, emotionally. So let's talk about what we can do in our lives that can bring us that peace to settle ourselves down. as a healthy aging coach, what are you telling your clients?
Lisa: I love it that you brought up the free, because I think that's also part of this vicious cycle is, if you ever search for something or you [00:16:00] click on something, then of course the algorithm is gonna feed you all of these products that you need to buy to solve your problem.
Yeah.
so often we are looking for a quick fix, the magic pill, rather than actually dropping in and doing the work. And when I work with my clients, and I know you're the same, you bypass all the fluff and you get to the real nitty gritty because we're actually getting to the root of the problem then not just.
Covering up the problem with afore mentioned behaviors, right? Yes. So I think the first thing is for us to cultivate awareness, drop out of our heads and down into our bodies and, and notice. What makes you feel at ease and what agitates you? That information is just invaluable. So it can be as simple as when I watch the news or listen to the news, I get really angry.
Well, great data for yourself. [00:17:00] Is it worth it? To get angry at the evening news so that you can't settle down and you can't go to good night's sleep. Right, right. So out of the head into the body, learning how things affect you and your system. And then I think the conversations that I've been having lately.
Our, it starts at home always. We have to take care of ourselves first. We just do. Mm-hmm. Nobody can solve world problems probably on their own anyway, but we certainly can't solve world problems if we are eating poorly, not getting enough rest, and we're like. Hanging off a cliff with our hair on fire right?
Yeah. So truly self-care, it has to start there and it's so cliche, but we have to put our own oxygen masks on first, and then from there we will affect our immediate family, our community. And then I believe in the ripple effect. It spreads outward. So. [00:18:00] How can people make it easy to start with themselves?
I think most people probably know what their non-negotiables are, and by this I mean the things that they know they have to do to feel their best. So that will be different for everyone. But for me it is getting a good night's sleep and I struggle with that myself sometimes. So what. Do you need to put in play to set the conditions for a good night's sleep?
And there's loads of really cool sleep hacks. I think the biggest, simplest, not easiest necessarily way to make that possible for yourself is to put the phone down, put the phone down minimum and hour before bedtime. Preferably once you finish work, or maybe after you finish dinner, screens are off.
Beth: I think that is such good advice and it is a beast to be able to do that.
Yeah. But [00:19:00] everyone stop and think for a moment. How often in the time between you've had dinner and it's bedtime, do you get a text or an email or you watch something, or you see a post that. Either causes you stress, makes you angry, makes you think, oh, I need to do a little bit more work before I go to bed.
How often does that happen? And I bet you dollars to donuts that it happens frequently, at least three or four times a week, if not every single night. Yeah.
Lisa: Yeah.
Beth: And then you're going to bed feeling. Awkward feeling, anxious, feeling like you shouldn't go to bed. There are things you're leaving unattended.
Lisa: Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I think it's important to remember that devices are stimulating in two ways. One is the physiological, which is [00:20:00] simply. the blue light, and the screens and the colors and the bells and the whistles, like physiologically, that amps us up. And then it's also psychologically stimulating, which is what you did a beautiful job of explaining that.
Oh. I gotta take care of that or oh, oh, the, the message, whether we respond or not, it just creates this psychological angst in us And, I work with a lot of high powered, executives and I hear the pushback. you don't understand my job, my industry, my, this, my that. I think a lot of it is habit.
I think it's become habit, and we also teach people how to treat us, and so we tend to get in these behavior patterns that it's really hard to walk back without looking like the proverbial B, right? Like you can't text me after five o'clock.
Could we question that though? is that really true? do most of us [00:21:00] really need to be available for our work after six o'clock? I don't know. You know? Yeah.
Beth: Okay. So there's a couple things I think we need to unpack here. One is,
When we got outta school and we got our first job, we were told young lady, do you know how lucky you are to have this job? because there are others that can take this job and do it just as well, maybe better, So when I tell you to do something, you do it.
When I tell you it needs to be done tomorrow, it's done today. and when I text you, I email you at eight o'clock at night. You, you text me, you email me back. So be prepared. And that's how we got out of school. hustle. Let's, let's do it and I will be the answer for every problem that you have.
Then the other thing I think about is I just finished reading several books, um, about World War ii and what I found fascinating by that is that [00:22:00] they would. Write a letter and ask a question and then put the letter in the mail. And then that letter would have to go, by horse and bus and boat to the other person.
And it would take months. And the question would be, you know, like, how are you doing? Are you alive? And they would then say, I'm alive, I'm doing well. And then it would be months before they would be able to correspond. We can answer things in the blink of a eye. I can talk to somebody in Spain in moments
So we don't have that exhale time to slow down.
Lisa: Yeah.
Beth: Because every time we do something quicker, it just means now we can get that, that task done faster, and then we just add more tasks to our days. And so there is no slow time. A
Lisa: hundred percent. Technology's a beautiful thing and it's, it's the adage, are we using yet it or is it using us?
And I think the conditioning that you mentioned is so true, especially women of a certain [00:23:00] generation. Right? We were told if you want to succeed in business, you've gotta work harder than the guy Less you be accused of being soft or putting your family first or any of that. So I, it's so understandable why we got to be that way.
And then, and then we bought into, we can do it all. We can have it all. So we worked full-time jobs and we raised. A family and we went to the PTA meetings and we did all this and, and, and whoa. That is a load to carry. It is a load to carry.
Beth: Yeah. Yeah. So when we're looking at ways we can take care of ourselves, some of the things that we can do can start really, really small.
Lisa: Yeah.
Beth: I'm thinking of a few things that I do to care for myself is I, I know for my family, for my children, [00:24:00] I was always finding ways to show them how much I love them, you know, doing special food for my girls or buying them something for just the smallest occasion and having little celebrations at breakfast, really small things that let them know that I cared for them.
When was the last time. I'm talking to everyone out there. When was the last time you did something for yourself Just to show yourself that you care and appreciate who you are. So I've been thinking about that lately in my life and. What I've started to do is just look for ways that I can bring in really small things that I just enjoy
So a couple things you can seebehind me. I've got my diffuser and I have a whole selection of essential oils that I can pick from,andthings I can just experiment with and find out, what is making me feel embraced today.
Also, I, I know it's important to get enough fluids and that is [00:25:00] something I, I can be a camel and just go all day without. Drinking anything. So I realized I needed to put some play into that for myself. So I bought myself some small pitchers that I just enjoy pouring liquid out of. So behind me here, you can see my little, whale pitcher and it holds.
my sparkling water every time I pour it and a little water comes out of its mouth, I just get a kick outta that.
So little things like that are ways for you to say, I love you to yourself, and that you are worth it, and it is okay. To pamper.
Lisa: Oh my gosh. I, I think you hit on another major category of conditioning that it's time for us to shed that what we want, our own personal wants and desires don't matter. That it is our job simply to take care of everyone else and if we, indulge, listen to the word indulge.
Yeah. In something like that, it's a luxury. We're spoiling ourselves. [00:26:00] I call BS to that. Have a spa treatment. Notice I didn't say treat yourself.
Yes,
those small acts of self love and self care, we're telling ourselves that we matter and. It's required. we must take care of ourselves, otherwise, it always comes back to bite us via destroyed relationships.
Um, failed businesses. We gotta take care of ourselves first, or we just can't take care of others. We cannot pour from an empty cup.
Beth: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think it helps if you can look at those, those four conditions for how you react. Are you a fighter?
Are you a person who is in flight running away? Are you fawning? Are you flopping? And then when you consider that, how then can you care for yourself? In a way that will help you [00:27:00] pull away from the triggers that might be making you respond in an inadequate way. For your own health.
Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think awareness is always gonna be the first thing.
This is what I tend to do when this happens and you get into your body and you feel that, I think putting the phones down is probably the lowest hanging fruit. And then you mentioned hydration. Let's not overlook how we're fueling our bodies.
Mm-hmm.
So important. You know, we've all been there where maybe we didn't sleep all the night before, and then we wake up and we start chugging a bunch of coffee.
We don't take time to eat. Eat breakfast or lunch or whatever and by 11:00 AM we're just like totally buzzing 'cause we've just poured caffeine in our systems and then by 2:00 PM we've totally crashed. Right? So taking the care to feed ourselves in a way that's gonna nourish both our bodies and our brains as well as give ourselves plenty of fluids.
I mean that's, that is just. a non-negotiable right there.
Beth: [00:28:00] There is so much in the way of nutrition that will solve a lot of problems in your life. And I think that that is overlooked way too much.
Lisa: Mm-hmm.
Beth: Um, and good nutrition doesn't mean that you are bored with what you're eating. Um, right.
Yeah.
Lisa: Right. and you know, there's all kinds of, oh gosh.these fights about which diet is best and which pyramid is best and all that. You know what? Forget about all that stuff. Mm-hmm. Listen to your body. If you eat a hamburger and french fries, how do you feel?
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: If you eat a piece of grilled salmon with a big, sweet potato and some sauteed greens. How does that make you feel? Mm-hmm. Be your own expert, be your own scientist, and quit looking externally for a magic pill and listen and feel, you know?
Beth: Yeah. And if you're someone who's like, but I love.
A cheeseburger and [00:29:00] french fries. It doesn't mean that you can never, ever, no. Ever have them again. It means that you probably shouldn't have them three or four times a week.
Lisa: Yeah.
Beth: And or can you cut down the size of your burger? I mean, there's a lot of ways for you to pull back on what you're doing that is bad consumption.
Yeah. We tend to overconsume overindulge, overstimulate. So what can you do to change the stimulation and regulate the indulgence so that you can still say, I'm gonna have dessert, but I don't need to have a giant piece of cake because I know that. The best bite of food is always the first. Right.
Lisa: Especially with sweets. You're so right. Oh my
Beth: God. Yeah. I find that to be true with pizza too. The, the very first bite of like, if you're from Chicago and I am that first bite of deep dish pizza where the cheese is perfect and gooey and stretchy, [00:30:00] that's the piece that you need to eat as slowly as possible because you're gonna get the best enjoyment out of it.
Because subsequent bites are not going to taste as well.
Lisa: Yeah, right. Long diminishing returns. For sure, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think again, it just starts with awareness and, and being. Intentional. So how often has it happened that you are like halfway through the pint of ice cream, before you even realize that you took one bite?
Because we're not paying attention to what we're doing. Mm-hmm. So if a client tells me I want to eat a cheeseburger and fries, like you said, great, do it intentionally with awareness and by acknowledging any consequences that you've. Uncovered in your experimentation. So if I eat, three pieces of pizza from experience, I know I'm not gonna feel well.
Mm-hmm. So that is a choice for me to make. I find that [00:31:00] very empowering. Like you get to choose, do whatever you want. It's very punk rock, right? Do whatever you want.
but do it with awareness and with intention and knowing,if I have too much coffee during the day, I know it's gonna affect my sleep if I'm willing to make that trade off.
Great. Yeah. But if I'm not, you know, and I know that's, that's a conversation that's being had a lot thankfully about alcohol these days, is women of a certain age. Are starting to realize that if they have that glass or three of wine, it affects their sleep.
Beth: Hmm.
Lisa: So some may choose to still have the wine Great.
But do it knowing that you're likely trading a good night's sleep.
Beth: Yeah. Every time you just say, oh, what the heck? I'm just gonna go ahead. And then the next morning you're like, why do I feel so bad? You are allowing yourself to do something that back of your mind, you're feeling guilty about, and then the next morning you are paying for it and then you know, you need to figure out ways to care for yourself.
[00:32:00] So what might that look like? Right.
Lisa: Yeah. Exactly, and you're not only gonna know if you do some experiments and try for yourself. So the things that we're talking today are. I believe low hanging fruits that have the most impact. We talked about device use, we talked about hydrating.
That's huge. People don't realize how poorly they can feel if they're simply dehydrated. So easy to fix. We talked about fueling our bodies for nourishment and energy. And we talked about setting the conditions for sleep, which often go back to the device use. Something we haven't talked about yet is moving our bodies.
Beth: Yes.
Lisa: So important. So important that we get movement in most days. And notice, I don't call it exercise, you can call it that if you want, but I want us to find my wish for everyone is to find a. Form of [00:33:00] movement that they not only enjoy, but look forward to because then they're gonna want to do it 'cause they know how good it's gonna make them feel.
Beth: Yes. And when you say movement, then that really opens up a lot of possibilities. Um, dancing to music that you enjoy, that is movement. And if you dance a few times a day and you add up the minutes that you spend, you, you'll find you might have spent 15 minutes. Dancing and that will get your heart rate up.
It will get all of your limbs moving.
Lisa: Yeah. Plus then you also get the pleasure of the movement and the music.
It's, it's just multifaceted. Yeah. No, you're a hundred percent right. Starting really small with where you are, and it might be two minutes, three minutes, it might be a walk around the block. Right? So start small so that you can feel really great and accomplish after you finish it, and you can build from there.
Beth: Something I've done.
uh, we bought a stationary bike we could have here at the house. Thenwe got a television [00:34:00] for the workout room. I started watching TV shows that I would only watch when I was biking, and It makes me want to go and bike because that's when I get to catch up on whatever show I wanna watch.
So,
Lisa: so fun to play those little games with ourselves. We almost all have a little competitive spirit to us, whether we wanna admit it or not.
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: But playing those little games with ourselves can be helpful. I think the question is, how can I make it easy? The world is so heavy right now. We don't need more complication, so how can I make these things easy?
How can I make it easy to get the movement that I need? How can I make it easy to eat right and hydrate properly? I love your tip about buying a fun picture if it's hard to eat well. These days, if you're too busy, there's so many ways to solve that problems now. Uh, prepared meals, meal services, prepared food that you buy at the grocery store, even pre-cut vegetables that you [00:35:00] cook on your own.
So how can I make it easy to take care of myself?
Beth: I also know that with movement, you're a good example for getting outside, walking with your dogs, doing hikes. Yeah. Just getting out in nature. You do a really good job of that.
Lisa: Getting out in nature feeds me like, I don't know what else.
It is so powerful and it may not be everybody's thing, but there is a lot of science and a lot of data that proves that being out in nature is helpful for our physical health. Our. Mental health and there's some new science coming out that talks about how being out in nature that we focus better.
So there goes the argument, I don't have time. Go spend 20 minutes in nature, come back and you'll be more productive.
Yeah. The excuse. I don't have the time. You don't not have the time. Yeah. You, I can't afford to take the time. You can't afford not to. Mm-hmm. We must start with [00:36:00] ourselves, and I think the more we do then we are just living. The life that we want. We're encouraging others and giving other people permission to do the same.
Giving people permission to recognize there's a lot going on right now. I need to slow down. Yes, you do, and you have permission but also recognizing it doesn't have to be complicated. It can be really easy.
actually, we should say it could be very simple. It's not always easy, but it doesn't have to be expensive, complicated, or something that you buy off of social media.
Beth: I'm gonna name one more thing that I think we must address. When the world feels this heavy and we are having problems in a relationship or we're dealing with medical issues, often
We feel guilty about taking that time. And so it's not only taking the time, but the guilt that a lot of people feel like there's better [00:37:00] ways for me to be productive.
Lisa: Mm-hmm.
Beth: And again, you know, like I don't, I don't have time and often that is decided by, if I took the time, I will feel guilty. That is, uh, an an emotion that you need to work past.
Yeah. That you are doing something for yourself that is going to help you sleep. It's gonna reduce your anxiety. It's gonna reduce your stress, it's gonna lower cortisol, it's gonna help you focus, it's gonna, settle your heart rate. The number of things that we can list for the goodness that you
will, find by taking care of yourself will outweigh any of the guilt you think you should be feeling.
Lisa: Yeah.
Absolutely. We can rewrite that story again, that comes from the conditioning of well-meaning.
People, parents, society, and we can decide if that's how we want to operate in the future. And I, a mentor described guilt to me. One time I was saying I felt [00:38:00] guilty about something. And she said, let me tell you my definition of guilt. My definition of guilt is a moral wrongdoing.
Beth: Ooh.
Lisa: So if we tell someone we don't have time to chat with them, or we can't pick up that assignment, is that morally wrong?
Like, stop and ask yourself, is that morally wrong, or are you just afraid of disappointing someone? Hmm. And often what happens is we don't wanna sit with the discomfort of being afraid that we're gonna disappoint someone, so we just do it again. We're telling ourselves that we don't matter, so it's up to us to notice that we're doing that and then we get to rewrite our story.
Beth: I love that you brought that up, because part of. Alleviating the guilt is knowing that for a lot of people out there, when you start to take time for yourself, you're going to ruffle up some feathers. Yeah, [00:39:00] you might make some people a, a little bit annoyed with you.
and that is something that will happen, could happen, and you've gotta work through that knowing that In order to make a change, sometimes things have to be uncomfortable for a little bit so that you can make that shift.
Lisa: Absolutely,
Beth: yeah.
Lisa: When we change directions in the middle of the stream on people, it's confronting to everyone and even us so often, that's when we just go, oh, nevermind.
I'll do it. It's just easier. Oh, I'll answer this email tonight so I don't have to deal with it again. That's because we don't wanna sit with the discomfort of doing things differently. And I think if we're gonna like starkly change, why not just let people know, Hey, you know, I always used to do that thing for you.
I'm not gonna be able to going forward. Like, just let people know, you know, there's a change of coming. There is a empowered 2.0 on the way so. [00:40:00] Buckle up.
Beth: That is very true. You just need to say it. And then you need to stay the course. Yeah. Yeah. You might need to say, um, you know. In the evenings, I'm going to be taking some time for myself and this is what that might look like.
And so be prepared. So if you thought I was gonna make your lunch, uh, for you tomorrow, maybe it's time for you to make your own lunch
When people get used to, that's what you do, then they will let you do what you do. But until you can let them know that's what you need, and that's what you're going to do, it will take some time for that to be something that everyone will become accustomed to.
Not only other people in your life, but yourself as well.
Lisa: Absolutely. Ourselves, most importantly. Yeah. Yeah. Just a fair warning. A lot of times when we're changing behaviors like this, we might tend to over steer.
Beth: Yes.
Lisa: Right? Like you go off one side of the road and you're like, oh wait, no, I'm not supposed to answering my texts at night.
So we go [00:41:00] and then we shut our phones off and we go, I'm not gonna text you at night.
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: Versus like, whoa. So, you know, we, we gotta practice. We gotta practice and find the middle path.
Beth: Yeah. Yep. You know, how would you want someone to approach you on that?
Because you know what? You might have people in your life that you're looking at thinking you need to do this too, and how will that affect what I expect from you? So you know, you're going to treat people the way you want to be treated, and yet you need to treat yourself the way you would like to be treated.
Lisa: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. And kindness and compassion. That's what we need more of in our world today. You know, loving kindness. And it does need to start with ourselves. But when we feel that we have been heard and we have been. The recipient of kindness and compassion, then we are able to give it to those around us, and then the ripple effect goes on rather than coming from a place of fear [00:42:00] or anger or hate.
Beth: I, I love that you said that because just, I mean, everyone for a moment, imagine if you took care of yourself and all of your neighbors were taking care of themselves. Then it would be easier for all of us to be kinder to our neighbors, to our family, to our community, to nations.
and I know this seems pie in the sky, but you know what, it has to start somewhere Absolutely. If we just do. Kindness to ourselves so that we can be more empathetic and caring and kind and understanding to people that we don't understand.
Lisa: Mm-hmm.
Beth: Then the world will be less heavy.
Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
Beth: Yeah. So my creative friends, I know this has been a conversation that hasn't been deep into the world of just [00:43:00] creativity, but creativity only flourishes when you are a healthy person. So when you are taking care of yourself, you're also helping your creativity flourish.
So this is starting with you. I want you to take a moment to take a look at What is triggering you and how are you reacting to that trigger? Are you a fighter? Are you flighting? Are you fawning? Are you flopping? How are you reacting? And then what can you do to take better care of yourself?
What are those small changes that can add up to big differences? And then allow people in your world to know that this is something that you are going to do, and then encourage other people that you know to do the same for themselves. And if we can just interact in our world knowing that we are caring for ourselves and that others are being [00:44:00] encouraged to do that, it'll take some time, but we will make a difference and our world can be a better place.
Hmm. So get out there and do something kind for yourself today, and whatever you choose to do, remember, the most important thing I wish for you is to stay creative. Lisa, thanks so much for coming and joining us.
Lisa: Aw, it's always a pleasure, Beth. Thank you so much.
Beth: We'll see you all later. take care.
Bye-bye.
