E14 Lisa Haight
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Welcome to another episode of BDI Create Today. Today we have a special guest that I cannot wait to introduce you to. She is one of my visionary students from this past summer, Summer 23, and she's also turned into a new creative friend of mine. Her name is Lisa Haight, and we welcome her to the Create Today podcast today.
Welcome Lisa! It's so nice to have you here. Thank you so much, Beth. I'm so nervous. I jumped the gun.
What I like about you, Lisa, is that never is there a conversation I have with you where I don't spend as much time laughing as I do just talking with you. So everyone get to know Lisa. She is wonderfully warm and super inviting and also [00:01:00] just super stage with her advice and her thoughts on creativity, which is why she's here today.
So Lisa, let's get started first by letting everybody know just a little bit about who Lisa is and how you and I came to discover each other. So, I am a former K 8 art teacher. I worked in the kind of non profit area for a number of years teaching art classes to kids K 5 in a small town in , eastern Washington where we lived.
And then when we moved to Portland, Oregon where I now live, I started teaching at a school part time, part full time kind of. And you know, I, Part time always gets a little larger than we think and I taught for a number of years and K through eight and after a period of time it was just time to Leave that and move on and that was in 2019 And here I am and that's when I first started my creative journey full time as a working artist [00:02:00] So what made you decide that?
It was time to You leave your profession as an art teacher. I mean, I, I think that there's a lot of people out there right now, a lot of creatives listening to our podcast that could be in a similar seat as you that are thinking, I've been working in a job for a long time, whether it's creative or not, and they're thinking it would be great to maybe start a business or start a side hustle.
So how did, how did you feel that call to you and how did you know what to do about it? I've always been a person, I, I really try to honor the feelings and emotions that I have, and so I try and show up, I always wanted to show up for children, 100 percent present there, and during the year before I decided to leave, I could feel myself kind of fraying at the edges, kids would come up, and it would be innocuous conversation, beautiful, lovely, and I would kind of do this kind of thing, and [00:03:00] in my, not to them, but in my head, and I was just kind of like, we would make something in class, and I was just kind of like, we would make something in class, and in my head, and I was just kind of like, we would make something in class.
And I would be, I would think to myself, I can't wait to get home and try this again. And I wanted to take it a little further and do something different. And so I was spending more time making art outside the classroom, but then trying to balance, you know, 30, 35 hours a week, teaching art to kids. K through, well, to five year olds to 14 year olds.
I knew that when I started to, to feel like I, I just couldn't be 100 percent present anymore and have patience, it was time to go. And so at the very beginning of the school year in 2018, my oldest was still home from, hadn't headed back to school for their, in their second year of They said, I came home from the first day of school and they said, how did it go?
And I said, that is my last first day of school. And they were like, whoa. And I described it like this. It was like, there was a path before me that I could feel shimmering. And I was over here and it was still there, but I knew I needed [00:04:00] to get over here. So it, I think. I decided I was going to make my last year the very best year ever.
And it was, I did every project I ever wanted to do. I had every hilarious conversation and I was much more in the present because of that. I will say, I also, my husband was a aerospace engineer at the time and it was possible for me to step away, financially to pursue a full time creative gig.
So that's how I, that's how I ended up here. Nice. Nice. Now, when, when you decided, okay, it's time for me, you set that date. You knew you were going to be finished in a year's time, the last day of school hit. How did you know then what you wanted to do? Like, what was that journey like? Well, it's interesting.
So you know this, Beth. I, I do a lot of fiber arts. I like to knit and crochet and I'm a weaver. I have a loom. It's not like a huge one or anything, but it's, you know, a, an actual loom that you do the thing [00:05:00] with. And so I always like to think of like those, those fibers. There's the weft that goes this way, and then the warp.
And, I, as I was moving through that very last year, I kept thinking, like, pulling in more fibers, more threads, to kind of start to weave my focus and myself still being in the present moment, because that's very important to me but then also try to think, like, what do I want to do?
What questions? I'm a big question person. I have a lot of curiosity as a human being, and I like to ask myself and others lots of questions, and I was asking myself the question, like, where do I want to put this focus? Is it ceramics? Is it fiber arts? Is it, cause as an art teacher, I've been trained to do almost everything.
There's not much out there I don't do. The only kind of thing that would stop me was my school budget. Luckily I was at a very supportive school, so I got to do a lot of different things and work with a lot of different types of mediums. So that whole year I just kept kind of playing and, and I knew kind of what resonated and I would kind of stack [00:06:00] Projects or ideas things I wanted to work with in kind of my, the back area of my mind and kind of started just making a list.
And so as, as the school year ended, I mean, it's so busy. I mean, it just is crazy. And I got to the end of the school year and I just decided to completely take the summer off. Cause I don't think it's a good idea to end one big project and we'll leap into the next because it's completely depleting to me.
Other people may be different and that's great, For me, I need a break. So I took the summer off, spent the whole summer kayaking. Hiking. We live in the Pacific Northwest. You have to be outside. It's kind of a law. And , it's, I don't make the rules. It's just how it is. And so I spent the whole summer outside with my kids.
They were a high schooler and a kid who'd come home from college for the summer and had a blast. And then I enrolled in a children's picture book illustration course, and I, that was an eight week long class and I learned so much about the picture book illustration. [00:07:00] world and it's incredible. I am totally enamored with it as a teacher.
I use lots of books in my classroom and I, my biggest struggle was I was like, I'm going to hone down my style. Oh, naive and beautiful little wee me at the time thinking that you can carve out your personal style in a matter of mere weeks. No, no, no. And so I really struggled. I'm a bit of a mimic. I, you'll hear me say I'm a bit of a magpie probably over this podcast.
I tend to look at things and kind of do this. Sorry, podcast listeners. I'm looking at video pick and choose and kind of put things together. Not other art styles, but ideas, color palettes. I might be in a room and go, Ooh, I could include this somewhere or the shape of something's really interesting to me.
And when you start doing that, then you're asking yourself, what's the, what's the best and most effective execution for what I'm seeing in my head. And it took me a minute. I. Flirted with watercolors and gouache [00:08:00] and I've always worked in acrylics and I love charcoal. But the most transformative thing I did that year, I took this class, it was wonderful, met a lot of really great people.
Right after that, because I'm a lifelong learner, I took a portraiture class and it was all charcoal and that class changed my life. The teacher was, it was in person, this was pre pandemic and we worked on huge sheets of paper and The only way I can describe the whole process of the way this, this person teaches is it's like carving out a face on a piece of paper.
It was incredible. It changed how I looked and how I saw everything around me. Everything became shapes and geometry, like the relation of the shape. To the other shape to this. And so I wasn't thinking about drawing a face. I was just drawing a shape starting with this little bit of an eyeball. And then it got bigger and bigger.
And I really, really enjoyed that. The hundred day project rolled around and I made it today, 65, which I'm still very proud of. And then that was [00:09:00] well into the pandemic by that point. And I just, the pandemic, you know, how we were all there. It kind of just, By day 65, I don't know. I think that was like April, May somewhere by then I was.
I just couldn't do any more faces. And, but that, that experience was transformative to me because it translated directly to my chosen medium, which is procreate and how I met you. And I had, do you want me to keep going on with this? Yes, please go. Yes. I feel like this is, I never tell this story, so I don't know how long it's going to be.
I had, Purchased an iPad, because they gotta go through our battle. And I was like, okay, great, and I kind of played around with it, and I really had a hard time. It just didn't feel like a pencil on a paper, which I really enjoyed. It didn't feel like charcoal, but I wanted to experiment, because I like to learn new things.
And I got really frustrated, which I tend to do a lot, and I put it down. I was like, I'll just watch movies on this at night. And I kind of left it there for about a [00:10:00] year. And then one day I just picked it up and I started drawing on it. And it was just like, my body had needed, and my brain had needed the time to kind of alchemize the picture book illustration class, the style choices, and the portraiture class where I was working solely with charcoal, only with charcoal.
Black and white, that was it, in erasers. And then all of a sudden, it, it just, all, all the pieces, all those fibers, just like in a piece of fabric, came together. And, I, it just made sense to me. And so, I work in a very weirdly specific way on my iPad. But then, I also have a really difficult time If you give me written directions, I can't, I'm a little, I'm on the neurospicy side and of life.
And I have a difficult time following directions that people tell me, but if you show me something, I will learn it immediately and forever. And then I'll be able to translate that information for others. And so that's how I was listening to windowsill chats and you were on, and I listened to your [00:11:00] entire podcast.
And I was like, ah, your episode. And I was like, I want to learn this software in and out. Cause as a teacher, I like to know the backwards, the forwards, the front, the back, the left, the right, the top, the bottom. So I can then alchemize it, and incorporate it, and then use it to my best ability. And I know that about myself.
So that's how I met you. I got on your waiting list, and I was like, Every day I'd be like, Did I make it in the class? Did I make it in the class? I didn't know how anything worked. So I was like, I'm so excited! And then I was like, I'm in the class! And that's how, that's how I'm here. So. Yes, yes. So what I love about what you've said is a couple things.
First of all, always learning. I mean, to, to get where you wanted to go, you could have just said, I've been an art teacher for all these years. I can do art and would have just like stepped out of your last day of class and into your first day of class. your next life and said, [00:12:00] here I go, I'm going to like go in my studio and I'm going to draw stuff.
And you said, wait a second, I'm not sure what I want to do yet. So you found some classes to take and that is so important to keep learning every time you're, you're curious about something to take a look at, well, what might that mean? And how can I find out more about it? So, and then the way you've explored your classes, that.
Children's literature class and then your portraiture class and then deciding it's time to learn procreate all of those things Just were stair steps to get you where you felt like ah, I think I found myself, so right now then lisa tell us a little bit about what you're working on to date So right now I thought I was going to go I was going to run full tilt towards children picture book illustration and I was woohoo And It not to say that I won't end up there [00:13:00] one day.
I think my life is long and I hopefully will have a lot of time to explore lots of different things. But right now I am working in kind of the, they call it the social expressions. line of things. So puzzles greeting cards, surface pattern designs, product things. That's probably a better way to say that, but I'm new to this.
I don't know anything. And so that's, that's how I am here right now. So I'm just, and this is so weird. I just turned 50 this year and there's a certain freedom about starting over in the middle of your life because I think when you're young, there's a lot of pressure to be like, Oh yes, I know how that works.
That's amazing. I got it. And when you're 50, you know you don't know anything. There's nothing. I don't know anything. I'm just kind of muddling through like everybody else, doing my very best, trying to have some compassion for myself and others. And it's lovely to be able to say, I don't really know how this works.
Can you show me? Can I take this class from you? Can I learn this? And then when you also [00:14:00] start in a new industry, to find the people that are available and willing to help you along. Through a series of events, I was picked up with an art licensing agency, thanks to my good friend Beth Buffington. Thank you And so that's a recent development for me.
So my goal for, for 2024 is to just spend the year making things and see, I always tell my students and my own children, this, if you find something you love pull on the thread, pull that thread as long and as far as you want to take it, and then when you're done. Set it down and pull the next thread. And that's how we make, we weave this fabric of our lives.
And this is my thread this year. I just want to get established in art licensing for myself. And I want to see how, where, where that kind of takes me, you know, as far as greeting cards and puzzles, and then maybe we go into soft furnishings. I don't know. I'm, I'm just curious and open. I get into the following years, I'll, I, I can always see myself going [00:15:00] back to teaching.
I think I really like teaching adults. They're a lot, they're a lot less combative than children. Just, just a tad. And so I could, I could, I, I know I will teach and I have taught classes in the last few years, a lot of them actually. But for this year, I just want to focus on making things. And that's where I am.
That's so cool. Just the process that you've made from I feel a calling to you and I meeting to you finding your agent. So, so super. I, I want to back up a little bit and talk About creative passion for a second, because this is something we talk a lot about on the podcast is that there are a lot of people here who are creative and they have passions, but you know, this, their hobby, the place to go to kind of let off some of the steam that life creates.
And then there we have some people who are coming here who are thinking I, okay, [00:16:00] Beth does everyone's creative, but I'm not sure where, what my creative passion is. And so we've had a couple podcast episodes where you talk about how to find your passion. And I want you to just explain and share how you explored your passions, especially after you were done working as a teacher, , how did you go about figuring out just.
What class to take and how did those decisions play out? That's a great question. I, it's very similar to how I decided to leave teaching surprise. It is it's I, and I do this daily, actually, I. For me, my decisions, even down to like what I'm going to eat for lunch, or do I really want that second cup of coffee the answer should be no because caffeine, ugh, but I love it.
And so my, my decisions come down to kind of what lights up the most for me. [00:17:00] So when it comes down to like, I, I really enjoy fiber arts. I, I'm not very good at them, but I really love that. But I don't think I want to do that for six to eight hours a day. I love doing that while I watch TV. So for me, it came down to kind of what, what lit up for me.
And there, to me, and this is not a pencil, but I'll hold this pen up. To me, there is nothing better than the sound of a pen. of a pencil across a page or an apple pencil across one of those paper surfaces on my iPad. Same thing. I, I just love that. This is a place and I, and I learned this during the 100 day project when I was doing the portraiture in 2020.
I would sit down at the easel And I would just float away. I was only in that space. I only existed in that time. And that's how I knew that drawing and illustration was the thing that I, I mean, I can look up, I can sit down in my studio and all of a sudden I look up and it is dark outside. And my beautiful partner who is an incredible cook [00:18:00] is like Hey, come down for dinner.
And I'm like Okay. How did I get here? What, what just happened? And so for me, that was the clue. Like what the, the path that lit up the most for me, the thing where I felt the biggest tug with that string. And that's, that's where I go. And, and I use that every day when I get stuck creatively. Big, big advocate of meditation.
Quieting the mind. And for some people that looks like a moving meditation, walking, kayaking, hiking, dance, whatever, singing. For other people that is laying in a prone position and quieting the mind by listening to music. I love both and all, if it works for you, it works for you. There's no right way to meditate, but quieting my mind allows those kind of ideas and passions and the things, the areas that, that I'm interested light up.
And I'll even have, like this week, I'm, I'm working on a bunch of different greeting cards for a company to possibly take, have them take a look at them. And [00:19:00] even when I choose like which one, I have some ideas, which one feels, which idea feels more developed. I just try and quiet my mind. I'm like, Oh, this one feels more developed.
I was really struggling with a color palette. Just it's really gray in Portland this time of year. It's just, and It's sometimes difficult to get to the under, the underside of that and remember that the world has beautiful vibrant colors. And so I, right, I couldn't get the right color palette and I was struggling and struggling.
I just stepped away and I was like, okay, universe, bring it to me. And then I just set it, set it down. I asked the question. I set it down last night, sat down. Boom. There it is. And I've never used this color palette before, and I couldn't be more thrilled that it came into my awareness. So, that's, that's kind of how I choose.
Most things in my life, which probably seems a little like, but I don't care. This is what works for me. I think that is so true to find something where you can get in creative flow, which are those moments where [00:20:00] you, you sit down to do whatever it is your passion is. And then you look up and you think, Oh my goodness, how did it get to be whatever time it is
Did you find when you started allowing yourself to be working on your creative passion more often after you were done with work as a teacher, did you find yourself feeling more content?
I'm, very content in my life I I won't say i'm like joyously happy all the time But I have a lot more good days than I do bad days and that is a choice that i've made It's also my set of circumstances.
There's things I don't struggle with there's things I do struggle with It's interesting to me, I've always meditated my whole adult life. I started when I was in my twenties, early twenties. And so I've always had this tool. Cause that's what it is to, to rely on. I know works for me to quiet the mind.
Whatever that looks like again, walking, dancing, swimming, kayaking, laying on the ground, doesn't matter. But I will say when I left teaching, I wish I could say, oh, and then my life became a rosiest of the [00:21:00] rosiest and that was the best choice I ever made. I will tell you though, the truth is, there was not a day I did not say, Oh my God, why did I quit my job?
Why did I quit my job? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. Why did I quit my job? And so, this interesting being came forth, and I name her Janet. Janet is not very kind. She is my inner critic. And that inner critic just came forward in the loudest place I was very good in the classroom.
I'm good at, because I live on the neuro spicy side of life. I was very good at anticipating problems in the classroom. I never really had kids with behavior problems because I could kind of see it coming down the pipe before it became an issue. So, and also I was the art teacher. That's the fun class to go to.
All of a sudden I have this path in this, this trail that's not been cleared. And so I, I would run into my, this Janet, I call her Janet, I would run into Janet, my inner critic, and the voice [00:22:00] in my head was so difficult to quiet. And then I just started saying, okay, Janet. Shut up, Janet. I'm gonna give it 10 more minutes.
And I would sit with the portrait I was working on, and, and I was like, I don't know if I could do my job, I don't know what I'm doing, I have no idea what I'm doing, I have no idea what I'm doing, and then I would just say, okay, give it 10 minutes. And then I would give it another 10 minutes. And then I would give it another 10 minutes.
And about after minute 30, I could be like, okay, that's not bad. I can see where it's going. And then by minute 45, 50 to an hour, I would be like, Oh my goodness, I am a creative genius. Look what I've created out of nothing. I clearly rival Michelangelo. That's mostly a joke, but a little bit true. Because I'd never made that before.
And I felt like a giddy third grader being like, Look what I made! My partner would come home every night and be like, I'm so excited! And I'm sure he was like, That's really great. That's lovely. Well done. I was surprised that the path was not [00:23:00] easier, but not surprised, right?
I had hoped it would have been smoother and I would already be a published children's illustrator and blah, blah, blah and all this. And it didn't, it didn't take that turn. And that's when I started to really think about becoming detached from the outcomes. And I think for me, becoming detached from the outcome and pulling on the next curious thread, Became how I made it to the next step and just, okay, well, I don't know what this is going to look like, but I know it's all working out or else I wouldn't be in this space.
So I'm just going to hold onto that. And then the next thing and the next thing. And then when I met you, I, Beth, I didn't even know the world of designing products existed. Of course, I have the curtains behind me, which I bought that someone created. I've never given that a moment of consideration of who is the artist that designed that.
surface pattern, not even once. So when I met you, I was like, huh, this is bigger. And I've been thinking too small. And that was exciting. And then the next step happened. So I hope somewhere [00:24:00] in that little soapbox that I answered your question, but I'm not sure. You did. And you actually opened up a couple more that I think we should talk about, because while you have a passion that when you sit down, you know, the hours can evaporate and it really does sort of flesh out a lot of.
stresses. When you're someone who has decided that you know what? I think maybe I would like my hobby to be something where I am going to do more with it. And that could be, I'm just going to give something that I'm making to someone as a gift. Or it can be, I, I want to sell my art either as a full time artist or start a side hustle.
When you set up those kinds of opportunities for yourself, we're going to call those opportunities. You also trigger that vulnerableness, in yourself. To say, I'm going to show people what I'm doing on my own as I'm working on my passion and [00:25:00] suddenly you're no longer singing in the shower or singing in the car, you're singing on stage and that is an entirely different universe.
And it's where, when I met you. We, we talked about confidence. I mean, I looked at your art and said, dang, we need to get this girl out into the world. She's got stuff to say. And you were, I don't know, I don't know if it's ready. And we talked about your creative confidence,
And if you're someone who thinks. In your heart, I really want to do more with my art. Quite often, the thing that's holding you back is that piece of confidence that allows you to say, okay, I'm just going to turn around this canvas and show it to the world. What do you think? And, It's up for bid, you know, who will buy.
When you do that, there is a couple of things that have to happen. And one of those is you have to put on some calluses and you have to stop thinking that your art is [00:26:00] so precious. It's not, it's not your first born. It's just, it is just a thing that you made and you can make more where that came from.
And when you can kind of set that up. Knowing that everything doesn't have to be perfect, then, then you can start pulling that trigger to release your art a little faster. I think a lot of artists. Are perfectionists and IS I'm only speaking because I am the choir. I, I am someone who will sit and go pixel to the left, pixel to the right, maybe pixel up, pixel down.
I'm standing right next to you. We're singing together. I'm right with you. Yep. And, and you think every time you make that nudge to the nudge, to the nudge to it makes like suddenly a mountain of difference and it, and it can completely paralyze you. Perfection Paralysis, that's a real thing. So as an, as a professional [00:27:00] artist or someone who thinks I'm going to give this as a gift to my whomever if you're afraid to say it is done, you'll never get anything out there.
And so I know Lisa and I had this talk about Your work, it can be B plus and you can get it out there and people are going to go, wow, that's incredible. I remember having that conversation with you. Do you remember that day? Oh, I, I think we, we didn't have it just once. I think we had it like four or five times.
I'd like that conversation again, cause I need some reminders. I think there's also an element of reframing and maybe again, maybe this comes with age, leaving a career and starting a new one. But when you start to reframe, like, what is like. What am I hanging on to? Like, who cares? I clearly do not, I already, I mean, if you see, if you see the video of this, I have long gray hair.
I went gray when I was 18. I shaved my head when I was Correction, she has long silver hair. My children call it tinsel. But when [00:28:00] I was 32, I had been dying it and I shaved my head. I went to my hairstylist and I was like, just shave it off. And she shaved it off. And I walked around with a shaved head for
about three weeks, because my hair grows really, really fast. And that experience as a 32 year old, I just started to stop caring about what the beauty standards were. And this was in the early 2000s ish. And there's a lot of gifts that come with reframing things, including like, that what we make is just perfect as it is.
And that's where tamping down that inner critic really It's a muscle you exercise, just like our creative skill, just like our creativity. When we engage with that, that starts to become , the voice becomes a little bit softer. She's still there, but she's getting a little quieter. And I'm like, yeah, Janet, back off.
And I usually say back off, Janet, back off, Janet, a lot during my day. And I think there's something about reframing for me. [00:29:00] To this day, Beth, I mean, it's only been since last summer, but my children will be like, Mom, Beth, they don't even know you. Beth said B plus, B plus, good enough. Just get B plus. I'm like, okay, B plus work, fine.
Because like you, I will sit this way, one millimeter, other millimeter. Oh, I can't, I don't know. Nevermind. It's not good enough. And I'll just walk away. But you know what? I've now come to this idea of like, when I make art, whatever I make, like, I just throw it at the wall, and if it sticks, cool.
If it doesn't, no worries. And I will say that it's a lot easier to do that with companies that I'm not meeting. I don't have to do that work as an artist. That's why I have a licensing agent. That's why I chose that path. No one's great with rejection. No one's, no one wants to hear, no thank you.
But I will say it is easier to hear that from a stranger than your own people. I just finished a really large canvas for a dear friend of mine. It's four feet by five feet. And I have not, I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life to give a painting to anybody because I was like, this is a lot of territory to take up in [00:30:00] someone's home.
They ask for it, but I don't know if the subject matter, I don't know if the color palette is right for them, and I was so nervous. Spoiler alert, they were thrilled, they loved it. But there was a solid, like, as I was finishing it up, I was like, Maybe I should just tell her I didn't finish it, and we'll just leave it.
We'll just leave it in the camp, we'll just turn it around, I'll never, I'll just forget that this ever happened. But I was brave, it all turned out, they loved it, but But there is a, a definite, I think every artist and every person on the planet struggles with confidence. I mean, we, in our Instagram world, we look out and we think, oh, these people have got their stuff together.
Nobody has their stuff together. Like, we're rolling out of beds, Dumbled to the kitchen, right? We're hair crazy, messes everywhere, laundry unfolded. You should see, by the way, I know the back of this video looks lovely, you should see the rest of this room. Like this is my overflow room. This [00:31:00] is where I do my Zoom calls and I put things that need to be taken care of.
This is kind of my staging area. And so what you see is is just one small slice but to part of the joy of being human is to embrace all of the hot mess that you are. Everything that makes you you. And and I think that's what I that was my My mantra as a teacher, you are just exactly who you need to be.
The get, no one else can bring the, your gifts to the world except you. And so when you finally engage with that, when I finally engaged with that as an artist, I was like, okay, this is, this is what I like doing. Is it. Is it licensable? Is it, can I, can I make a living off of it? I don't know yet, but we're going to try.
And, but I'm going to do things that resonate with me that I enjoy and have the confidence that what I'm contributing to the world it may stick to the wall. Yeah. And it will you are going to find amazing success with what you're working on [00:32:00] because You're allowing yourself to explore and continue learning.
And also you found a community of people that you can connect with and interact with and ask questions about and, and find advice and encouragement. Cause I think we're all, we all feel vulnerable. We all have a Janet. It took me a long time to find out that the inner critic that I heard in my head wasn't a parental thing that was saying, in order for you to be a good person, and that's what you were raised to be, you need to do these things.
So every time one of those negative thoughts came into my head, I thought it was there because it It was actionable, and I was feeling guilt about something I hadn't done correctly. And the day that I realized that Everyone has those thoughts, and everyone has an inner critic, and that you don't have to listen to them like your [00:33:00] parent.
It was completely freeing for me to be able to say, Back off. I don't need to worry about that. That is not something I did wrong. That is not something that's a flaw in me that needs to be fixed right now. And when you're a creative they're as, as wonderful as it sounds, I mean, I have friends that, you know, go, Oh, it must be nice to just draw all day.
And it is, I mean, it is, but it is also, it's also like walking around naked for all to see because whatever you do is so personal that when you show that to someone, you are just opening up going here. This is how I draw. This is who I am.And then you wait for someone to say, Oh, or Oh, you know, you don't know what is going to come out of someone's mouth.And it is often very hard as someone who is waiting for a yes, not to say, To yourself, if you got [00:34:00] to know that, okay, I need to burn this.
That no, it was a, it was a not now for that person. some of that is experience
To have enough no's happen that you're a little more calloused and thinking, okay, well, not for you, but maybe for someone else.
So being able to allow yourself that kind of vulnerability and have a little bit of a callous jacket you can put on is, is is I don't know.
Is that a talent that you have to perfect? Is it a skill? What is that? It's interesting. I do want to, like, I like that you just asked, is that a talent you have to, to perfect? Is it a skill? I really shy away from the word talent. I don't like that word. I've been told my whole life, Oh, you're so talented.
You're so talented. I do a lot of music. I'm a singer. I'm a pianist. I've been in theater. So there's a lot of different things that, that I've done that are really, you know, You're on stage, you put yourself out there, you're kind of center of the show or whatever, [00:35:00] and, oh, you're so talented, and I just, every time I hear it, I just get a little uncomfortable, pull up my collar.
And the reason why is because the only reason you and I are even having this conversation right now is because I have a certain skill set. And you have a certain skill set that we have honed, been educated in, we pulled on the thread, and we went as far as we wanted to with it. We got more education, we were curious.
And so talent is the curiosity. The skill is the execution of the talent. And just like my friends who are CPAs or financial advisors, they have a certain skill set that I don't want to have. But I'm sure glad they have it, right? Yes. Exactly. And so yeah, I get the same thing. Oh, wouldn't it be? Oh, it's just your life must be so great.
Just like sitting around drawing all day. And I was like, if you understood the amount of self doubt that I carry around all the time, and then the conversation, you would never wish this upon yourself. But again, our [00:36:00] Instagram world makes us think that this is the greatest thing ever. So even there, I try and be a little bit more real about like, this is what I struggle with.
These are how it go, how it goes. I even think that that, you know, our curiosity is a skill. To engage curiosity, our creativity is a skill our skills are skills, whether it's drawing, painting, singing, those are things we learn, we hone but I also think tamping down that inner critic is a skill.
And so I, I, I would say to anybody who's thinking about like leaving their career or making this their art or whatever, like just go for it. But, and just remember, it's going to be really, really hard and it's going to be really, really awesome. And you're going to have days where you question everything.
And then you're going to have days like I've made the best dishes and I am Michelangelo and you'll be right. Cause you're being you.
I liked also what you said that it is really hard, but it is not impossible. Part of it is just, you know, If this is [00:37:00] something that speaks to you that you cannot stop thinking about, then all you need to do is do the work. Do the work. Do the one thing, do the thing, the bright, the next, what I, what do we all, we talked about this last summer and I, I've said this to my kids for years.
What's the next step? What's the next step? Step. What is the thing that's coming forward for you? You don't need to know the end right now. You just need to know the very next thing. Yes. And all you need to know. And I think it's really important to remember that what you are seeking is seeking you. And I know that's become like this cliche and it's on t shirts and all those good things, but it's really true.
Like if you, if you didn't want to do whatever creative passion you're doing, it wouldn't be calling to you. So it's just up to you how much time you want to spend digging in and really exploring and, and growing some skills.
I think it's really important to remember that [00:38:00] we contain multitudes. Walt Whitman said it best and always will.
We contain multitudes. I contain multitudes. We, I don't think we could get to where we need to be without that inner critic. Like, but it, it does like, because when you look at it, when you look at a painting, let's just talk as the art teacher, you can't have light without shadow. You have to have those two things.
So there has to be this dialogue of, of rage or madness or whatever it is that wherever you are on in your journey or sadness or depression or sorrow or all the things that we, our society has kind of said, that's darkness or that's a challenge or that's an obstacle. But the reality is we can't. No true joy unless we've been through.
Like the deepest part of the valley. if you focus just on all the things that are going wrong and all the things that the inner critic saying, they're just going to get bigger and they're going to take up all the room.
Now, that being said. That's an important part of the house you are creating of your life. But it doesn't need to [00:39:00] be the whole thing. It can be a room. It can be a closet. It can be a drawer. It can be the tiniest little space hidden underneath a floorboard. If that's where your inner critic needs to live.
She's not going away. They're not going away. But, and they're real and it's there. But the sooner you can start to kind of cohabitate with that inner critic. the better off and the more confidence you're going to gain. And it's cool. They can be like, Hey Janet, how's it going? Like, I'm here to listen with you.
That's cool. I'm never alone. That's nice. Cause there are times where your inner critic is telling you we have a, we have a problem. There needs to be something that needs to be fixed. Let's pay attention to this. And then you need to go, Oh, let's get at it. But it, it doesn't need to be talking to you every time you do something.
Like youyou've been late to this You're early to that you I mean it will keep you going forever. Yeah Well, and so i'm gonna do a weird little thing right now I I love what you just said and I actually have two different names for what you just [00:40:00] described So the inner critic is the the words we hear like, oh, you're terrible.
It's horrible. Why did you do this? You're so awful blah blah blah The reason that we feel bad in our bodies when we, our brain is telling us those things, it's because it's in complete disagreement with the very most sacrosanct part of ourselves, which is what some people call our highest selves. I actually call it my deep I, my deep self.
So I've really tried to lean into like that. Okay, what is my deep eye?
What's, what's the deep eye? What, what does she want? Where, where's that going? What's the next brightest idea? What's the next thing? What's the next thread I want to pull on? What's the shimmery path? That's my deep eye talking to me. And when I feel bad in my body, it's because my brain is in total contrast with what that unconditional love is within me.
And so now I've kind of taken that, that kind of like a guitar tuner. I've kind of like started to [00:41:00] tune towards the deepest eye. So now it's not maybe 45 minutes of working at the easel or on my iPad. Maybe now it's 20 minutes and I'm like, okay, I can see where this is going. It's not as bad as I think.
Interesting. And I think that self compassion, again, is a muscle. It's a skill. It's a skill to be honed and learned. And I will do it till the, for the rest of my life. I will never not have Janet with me. I will always have my inner critic. But it's the attention that I give. Yep. It's all about the attention because it isn't going to go away.
So it's, it's a balance and the balance is never like, okay, now I'm balanced and I'm good to go. It's. standing on a fulcrum and you're always going to be a little bit over on one side or a little bit over another side and so it's just constantly figuring out where am I right now so I can feel like I'm functioning as best I can today.
It's a daily process. Yeah, it's a, it's a daily, it's a daily skill that we each have to hone, a muscle we [00:42:00] have to work out. Mm hmm. Yeah. Oh gosh. We've really gone deep today. I, I love what we talked about. I love the fact that we've really dived, dive, dove in driven, dove in, I don't know, I like them all.
We've explored. The depth of like, what is your creative confidence and who is your inner critic? And maybe you all should name yours if you haven't. And, and then knowing that, you know, you've, we've talked to Lisa and she's just opened up and been very like, here is, here is who I am. I have a feeling there's a lot of people out there thinking, And, you know, I feel a lot better now because these were things that I've been wrestling with and now I'm not alone.
I think sometimes knowing that the things we worry about, that we feel like no one else has this same problem, we find out other people do. It just feels good. Misery loves company. I love it. I love it. It just, it just plain helps. So Lisa, [00:43:00] is there anything else that you can think about that you'd like to share with the creatives that are listening in on today?
Like one takeaway from what has happened with you recently that would be fun to share? If there's one thing I wanted to say to encourage anybody, if you're thinking about switching careers midlife, that may look very different for you than it did for me.
And you have to make your own choices. There's no wrong way. To, to make a transition. it is helpful if you're aware that it's not all roses. So, and there's a lot of, of struggle and but it's all good struggle. I mean, I'm, I'm a totally different person now than I was in 2019 as a teacher. Like I, I.
I spent, I spent my whole adult life and my whole childhood taking care of the people around me emotionally mostly emotionally. And then in the classroom emotionally. And now it's just [00:44:00] me and my studio. I've got my, my partner and that's it. And my kids, my, my grown children, but they're grown.
And so this is a fun and joyful relationship. But I would say if there was a piece of advice you know, Mark Twain said it best. He said that there is no original idea. We have old ideas that become new, curious combinations of the same colored glass that we would use in stained glass to become something new.
And I love that idea. Like I said, kind of towards the beginning of our part of our time together I'm a bit of a magpie. I like, I think inspiration can be found anywhere. And that leads me to my most. favorite quote by my favorite poet of all time, Mary Oliver. And she, I wrote it down because it's so important to me.
Instructions for living a life, pay attention, be astonished, tell about it. And so everybody has a story. I firmly believe that. Every child, every person on this planet has a [00:45:00] story. And that story is important. And it needs to be shared in any way that you want to share it. And illustration just happens to be the way that I want to share my story.
But for other people, it could be any, any creative endeavor. And if, if you want to do that, I will be your number one fan. Like your number one cheerleader in that. I see people make things, do things, and I'm like, rock on.
How do you tell your story with the creativity that you have?
So if it's art, or if it's music. If it's weaving, if it's quilting, whatever that is, how are you going to share that with people? I think just to recap some of the things we've talked about today with creativity, I mean, it is not easy. It's not easy for anyone.
Every single artist that sits down to start a new project starts with that blank canvas and thinks, I don't know if I can draw anymore. I don't know if I still have it in me. Maybe my best days are behind me. I think we all [00:46:00] feel that way. Every day I've used up all the good ideas.
as a teacher, I had a 12 year old come to me, one of my most, lovely students ever. And she was like, Mrs. Haight, I am quitting drawing. I'm done.
And I was like, what are you talking about? And she's like, I, I just, I'm not good enough. I'm finished. And I was like, my love, you are 12. You are 12 years old. You, you have your whole life ahead of you. And, you know, I did not spend a lot of time from the age of like 13 to 40 drawing. I didn't. I was doing education.
I was playing the piano. I was in theater. I was, I was raising children. I was doing all these other things. I didn't spend a lot of time drawing anything. And I, I just looked at my student and I was like, my love, you have your whole life ahead of you. You have no idea. When you look like me and have long grey hair, what you will be, you have no idea.
And I [00:47:00] would say this to a 102 year old person who comes to me and says, I have given up. The failure is not trying. There's no failure if you try and you don't succeed.
What we need to care about is, is. Not putting ourselves out, not sharing our story, not sharing our voice. That's the only, the unshared story is the only failure. And if you just try, that is an act of such courage and bravery, that when people do that, it actually, makes other people around them brave, especially when that person is a hot mess.
And you say, when we, and they talk about their struggles and they share their vulnerability, it gives other people confidence and courage to try. And so that's why I want to say like, as a person midlife, if you are thinking about leaping, do it, do it in your own way. But don't let your age stop you.
That's just a number. It doesn't mean anything. I'm still like, maybe 16 right here in my head. But like, go for it. Because [00:48:00] the only failure is not trying. And the rest, the rest will work itself out. And even if that critic is someone close to you, Shh! No thank you. I don't, I don't take that.
Return to sender. That's none of my business. What other people think of me is 0 percent of my business. That could be the Gen X in me, but I don't give a fine fig in space. What anyone thinks of me, I'm going to do, I'm going to do my thing. And like I said, I'm going to throw it at the wall and if it sticks cool.
And if it doesn't, we'll figure out something else.
Every person, the person, whatever artist or creator or maker that, Anybody enjoys out in the world and they think that they're the pinnacle. They started out as a beginner, just like you are. We're all beginners. Like there's going to be things. Hopefully I'm, if I have the great privilege, which I hope I do, I'm learning into my nineties.
Never, I've never experienced this before. How cool. And so to, to keep like, to have that curiosity, that growth mindset, I think is one of the most, it's the [00:49:00] biggest gift. Of any creative person.
I think that we've, talked about some things that you've been able to share that will be really helpful for other creatives out there trying to figure out what their passion is. Or if they should take a leap to let their passion be maybe a new career for them or a side hustle or to try something that they've never tried before.
So I, I think this probably is a really good place for us to wrap up our conversation today.
Cause Lisa, you and I could talk for another couple hours, right?So thinking about what Lisa has talked about today about learning, being a constant learner, finding a community where you can feel like you found your people and you can share your frustrations. That is important.
And I think you just need to, while we always say enjoy the journey, enjoy the struggle. Because when you can look back, the stories you can tell about how [00:50:00] hard it might have been to get where you are right now, those are going to be accomplishments that Are your greatest stories.
But do get in there and do the work. That's important. So thank you so much for your time, Lisa. I am so glad you were a part of the podcast today and everyone else out there.
Remember, get out there and whatever you do, just stay creative, my friend. Thank you, Beth.
